Catch Me
by TheVoiceInMyHead
Summary: Every rule was broken now and I was way past the point of no return. Yet somehow, I didn't care. I didn't want to go back, he was everything to me now. Bella/Carlisle. COMPLETE.
1. Gone

**A/N: HELLO ALL! :) This is my first Twilight fanfiction, and although this is only the first chapter, I hope you like it and where I am going with this. Yeah.. it's a lot shorter than how long my chapters usually get, but I needed this beginning and had to keep it somewhat short so you guys could get the gist of the story :)**

**I _know _there is only Edward/Bella in this chapter, but it will be an eventual Bella/Carlisle. _He _will make his first appearance in the next chapter! I'm making the pairing very clear because I have had people not want to read my stories or stopped reading them in the middle simply because they didn't like the pairing! :P**

**This story takes place sometime after New Moon but before Eclipse, and the story is written as if Eclipse never happens.  
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**SO, even if this isn't a pairing you usually read or even like all that much, please give my story a shot! I'll appreciate it lots! AND reviews make me so very happy! PLEASE PLEASE tell me whether I should continue or not! I adore feedback! **

**Now that that is out of the way, time to get reading! :)

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Preface_

I was never one to break all the rules. To disregard them and not give a damn about who I was hurting or whether I was right or wrong. The humanity in you always gives you a subconscious feeling in the pit of your stomach and it works like a conscience…telling you to stop what you're doing because it's dead wrong. I don't have that feeling; I don't feel human. My heart still beats, and my lungs still expand and retract with oxygen but I feel less human each day. How could I be so selfish? How could a human like me, be so cruel?

Only one thing could cause havoc this mighty. Love. And I had fallen prey to its keen sting.

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Chapter One

Gone

I blink back tears and pull myself together because crying will make me look stupid right now. He's coming back this time, he's not leaving me forever. Then why does the shadow of the punched hole in my heart have this constant dull ache? He loves me. Edward loves me…he'd never leave me again. Not like the first time, anyway.

"When are you coming back?" My controlled voice sounds shaky, even to my human ears. Edward frowns at me. I know if I asked, he'd stay…but why should I be so desperate? I have an urge to grasp his hand, but I control it.

"I told you, love. We'll be as quick as we can. As soon as the job's done, I'll be back at your side."

He smiles genuinely at me, and my heart seems to skip a beat altogether. How could one person be so beautiful? I am temporarily stunned, and can't seem to form a coherent sentence. His smile changes into a smirk, and although he can't read my mind, I know he finds my comparison of him to a Roman God quite amusing. I'm not sure how a girl like me, looking the way I do, could measure standing next to someone like him. I reel my thoughts back in.

"Still, Edward. How long do you think?"

He sighs. "I'm not sure…maybe a week?"

The place in my chest where the hole used to live aches again and my hand flies to my heart. I can't think of him being away for so long from me. I need him _here, _with me. I take a deep, measuring breath.

"Okay. That's fine."

I can tell by his expression that he knows I think it most definitely is _not _'fine', but he doesn't say anything, and just pulls me into his cold, hard chest. I breathe in his scent, and promise myself I will not forget it, not until he is back in my arms like this. He stays still and strong, letting me have my fill of him. I can feel is cold cheek against the top of my head.

"You know that I love you more than anything, right? That I would never plan to or leave you indefinitely again? I promise I'm coming back, Bella. I don't want to go, but I have to. I wish I could be with you, wrapped around you like this every second of every day. I wish I could stay…"

I was making this so hard for him. Time to play my part a little more convincingly. I forced a smile.

"I know, Edward. I trust you. But you have to do what you have to, and who am I to stop you? Go. Don't worry about me. Just keep your cell phone close, and I'll keep contact."

His expression didn't change.

"You're not that great of an actress, Bella… I want to stay here with you as much as you obviously want me to. But still, thank you for saying that, love."

He hadn't bought it. Sighing, I looked into his deep, golden eyes and this time I spoke to him truthfully.

"Edward…I _am _scared of being left alone again, I think I always will be. But I love you, and I know you love me and that you would never hurt me again. I can survive a week, Edward. It'll keep me going to know that in seven day's time, you'll be with me again. You go, and you do what you have to."

Edward squeezed me tighter to his chest, but not enough so that it hurt. One of his hands came up and ran through the length of my hair. It was soothing, my eyes closed and my breathing became in tune with his strokes of my hair. His coldness seeped through my skin and down into my bones, but it felt good. It felt like home. I sighed in happiness. He chuckled quietly, and I felt the rumbles in his chest against my ear.

I broke the silence. "Maybe next time something like this comes up, and you've changed me…maybe I can come with you?"

His hand froze, and Edward's body became rigid. I groaned, preparing for the dramatics.

"No, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. He was trying to untangle himself from me, but I held onto the front of his shirt and raised my head to look him in the eyes.

"Why?"

"Because… I'm not changing you, Bella."

Annoyance surged through me. It was _my _life, and I wanted to be a vampire. Just like him and the other Cullens, and the Denalis. Edward thought I sought after immortality obsessively without understanding what it truly meant and what I was giving up. But I _knew_, and I wanted it so bad. Edward just wasn't going to give it to me.

I growled at him and opened my mouth to speak, when he cut me off. He looked wary.

"Bella, honey, please. I'm leaving tonight. Let's not ruin these few hours together."

I seethed. "I'm not _ruining _anything, but fine. When you get back, then."

He closed his eyes for a moment as though he was trying to compose himself, and then opened them along with his arms. I was still a little angry and annoyed, but I wrapped myself in his arms yet again and he carried me to my bed, where I curled against him. He resumed the stroking of my hair, and soon enough my eyes seemed to get heavier.

I didn't let myself sleep. I wouldn't miss another minute with him, and I found myself talking to keep myself awake.

"So, all of you are going then?" I mumbled sleepily.

He chuckled at my apparent attempt at staying awake and answered in a gentle voice.

"No, Carlisle is staying back for work, and Esme with him. Rosalie is staying too, she didn't want to go. It's just Emmett, Alice, Jasper and me."

"…Oh. Maybe I'll visit Carlisle and Esme while you're gone. I haven't seen them in a while."

I felt Edward smile. "They'd like that. Esme was just asking about you yesterday."

I smiled too, and raised my chin to capture his lips in a kiss. He kissed me back enthusiastically, and then, just like always, he pulled away, muttering about controlling himself around me. I decided not to comment on the fact that if I was a vampire too, he wouldn't need to be so careful with me all the time. We lapsed into silence again and this time the sleepiness was too thick and overbearing to ignore. I drifted away and I felt Edward uncurl himself from me.

Cold lips pressed against my temple. "Sleep well, Bella. I love you."

I heard the window creak open from seemingly very far away, and whether it was the wind that rushed past my window, or Edward and his siblings, I couldn't tell. I was too far gone into a world of peace and sleep.

That night I dreamed of Edward sitting by my bed all night, just like the first night I asked him to stay. It was so real, that when I awoke, I almost expected him to be there. My tired eyes swept the room for my loving vampire, but I found nothing but my strewn possessions and the colored walls of my room. My heart fell.

Day one, here we go.

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**Hope you liked this so far! PLEASE review! :)**


	2. Emotion

**A/N: Thank you so much to the four people who reviewed last time! It completely made my day. That's why I'm updating so quickly! **

**For the rest of you out there, please review! :) It will make me so happy.

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Chapter Two

Emotion

It rained nearly all day. Forks was good for it's consistency, at least.

I was perched on the windowsill, my face pressed against the glass of the window, my breath fogging my vision of the endless falling water and gray. I clutched the phone in my hand and silently counted the millionth raindrop to fall this Saturday morning. Edward had not called.

Charlie had left for work a while ago, and the house was too silent. I dialed the number again, and again I dealt with no answer. It was frustrating, and I groaned. This was exactly what I had feared. Loneliness.

I would not let myself delve into self-pity, so I thought over my options. I could visit Jacob in La Push. But that would require driving my truck all the way there in this rain. That option was out. I sighed creating another cloud of fog on the window and made a move to get up, when my phone rang.

I answered in less than half a ring.

I spoke breathlessly, "Hello? Edward?"

"Bella! Why are you breathing so hard?"

I rolled my eyes. It was Alice.

"No reason, Alice. It could be the fact that I was _so _excited to talk to you!"

Alice giggled at my tone, "Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Alice… holding up pretty good. But then again, it's only the first day. I _could _be a wreck tomorrow, who knows." I was being sarcastic again, "What about you? Where's Edward? He said he'd call me…"

"We're all fine, Bella. Edward is…busy. He wanted me to check up on you. Are you sure you're okay? You know Edward would come back right away if you asked?"

I huffed, "I'm alright, Alice, I'm alright. And I know he would…sometimes I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. So he's busy? Well, tell him to call me when he can, then. I miss you guys already."

I could practically hear Alice smile. "We miss you too. Take care of Charlie, okay? Talk to you soon. Love you!"

The line went dead and my goodbye was left unsaid. I tried not to care too much that Edward hadn't had enough time to talk to me, but it hurt a little that he wasn't able to spare five minutes. Five minutes, that's all I needed. Maybe less. I placed the phone back on the receiver and looked around my empty house with a feeling of hollowness in my stomach. I needed company.

That's when I remembered. Even though Edward was away, who's to say that I couldn't visit the Cullen house?

I ran up the stairs into my room and changed into a t-shirt, jeans and my windbreaker in record time. I left my hair open, pulling a comb through it once and grabbed my keys. I ran out into the downpour and climbed in my truck, my spirits rising a little higher.

Dropping by unannounced was not something I ever did, unless Edward was with me. But I hadn't seen Esme and Carlisle in so long. I even wanted to see Rosalie, although I know we probably wouldn't talk. It was weird to imagine the Cullen house nearly empty, only housing three people. Such a vast space was hard to think of without Alice flitting down the halls, and Emmett's booming laugh shaking the walls. Maybe I could help Esme with things around the house? Although my slow human pace and clumsiness would probably be a hinder, not a help. I pulled onto the curving path leading to the house, and thought that maybe this was a bad idea after all. But before I knew it, my truck was parked in the driveway and I was walking to the front door.

The rain had slowed now and I nervously wrung my hands. Why was I so nervous, anyway? I'd been here plenty of times. My shaky finger rang the doorbell. I could hear it's familiar tinkle echo in the house even from outside. I couldn't suppress a small smile. I felt like I was coming to a second home, in a way.

The door pulled open to reveal an infallible, smiling Carlisle. He was grinning at me.

"Bella! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

My smile on my face grew as well, and the hollowness in my stomach faded away completely at his filling presence. Carlisle's smile was infectious and he looked genuinely happy to see me.

"Hi Carlisle. I hope you don't mind that I stopped by. I hadn't seen you and Esme in a while and…"

He raised a hand to silence me and pulled the door wider to let me in. "No worries, Bella. We all get a little lonely sometimes. Please come in."

I laughed nervously and made my way inside the familiar house, breathing in the scent of roses and freesia. Alice had added her touches before leaving. I pulled off my windbreaker and hung it on a coat hook to dry. Carlisle and I walked into the kitchen, and coincidentally sat down at the same place where he had stitched my arm after my disastrous birthday party. I shivered at the thought of that night, and what it had led up to. Carlisle noticed my gesture, and smiled sympathetically.

"What that birthday triggered for you, Bella…it stills pains me to think of it. I never got to say this, but I am sorry on my part, for leaving you here in Forks alone. We thought what we were doing was right. It only caused you more hurt."

He took my hand and squeezed it. It felt nice, reassuring. I squeezed his back, but I knew the stone hand would have felt nothing in return.

"It's okay." I stated simply. He smiled lightly, sensing that my answer needed no further explanation. I had forgiven them, all of them, and there was absolutely nothing more to say about it. Carlisle understood that and didn't press for more. We lapsed into a comfortable silence.

Carlisle began to hum something low and soothing in contrast to the complete silence of the kitchen and I gazed around the familiar surroundings feeling completely at home. It was almost as if we were two long-time companions who knew every precious silence needed not to be filled with pointless conversation. Something about Carlisle made me feel completely at ease; almost as if he had Jasper's talent and was able to spread calmness over me like a blanket.

We sat and got lost in our own thoughts for a while…

It was only then that I noticed the _silence. _Not like before, where the quiet was comfortable and calm, but the silence that was empty and hollow and echoed throughout the rooms of this vast house. I listened intently for a sound of scurrying upstairs, or the voices of Esme or Rosalie but I heard nothing; only the calm humming of the man sitting with me. I turned to look at him full on and he shifted his gaze to me, still smiling.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked pleasantly.

"Where are Esme and Rosalie? I know that at least Esme would have come downstairs to say hello, if not Rosalie…" I trailed off, remembering that Carlisle was not proud of Rosalie's attitude toward me, but his smile still didn't falter.

"They're out hunting. I opted out of the opportunity for some time to myself, maybe to read a book in my study, but I am enjoying your company even more, Bella."

Carlisle acted as if I was the most fascinating person possible to spend a day with, and it was genuine. He gazed at me and my cheeks heated under the intense pressure of his look. I wanted him to break the stare and look at something else for god's sake, for he was getting lost in the features of my face, but at the same time I wanted him to _keep_ watching me, just so I could have an excuse to watch him too. The honey-colored eyes, sincere smile and immensely unfair beauty of his face had me entranced the same as if I was staring at Edward Cullen.

Edward's face swam into my mind's eye, clouding my vision of Carlisle and something inside of me stung slightly as remembered he hadn't spared five minutes to talk to me this morning. He knew how much I needed to hear his voice, how much I needed that little bit of comfort on his part. Usually so good at keeping my interests in the forefront of his thoughts, Edward had forgotten me today. I wiped my mind of his face and glanced at the clock, sensing that maybe I had overstayed my welcome. Carlisle had caught the movement with his keen eyes and his calm smile faded as he took in the evident worry on my face.

"Don't worry, Bella. Edward will be back soon."

My attempt at a smile formed into a grimace and Carlisle squeezed my hand once more before gracefully lifting himself off the chair. He retreated into the living room and I pulled myself together before following him. For some reason I needed to stay with him; something about Carlisle made me feel safe and wanted, not lonely at all. I traced his steps in the pristine carpet and nearly collided with him as he came to halt near the front door.

"Esme and Rosalie will be back any minute now. They will be glad to see you."

I knew he had carefully chosen his words and added the 'they' just because he knew I was feeling lonely and reminding me of the fact that Rosalie _hated_ me wouldn't be good for my 'fragile' state they all thought I was in. I already had a strong sense that only Esme would be smiling as she opened the door. He smiled somewhat sheepishly as he realized I had caught him in his words and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye to make sure I wasn't in hysterics.

His actions and words caught me a little more than off guard.

I suddenly felt like a burden, as though Carlisle was doing and saying everything so vigilantly just to make sure I wouldn't go crazy from Edward-withdrawal or break apart due to my so-called fragility. A new feeling in the pit of my stomach rose and made me suddenly not want to see Esme, or even stand in this house anymore. Whether it really _was _'Edward-withdrawal', or simply the fact that I was getting hormonal, I didn't know, but I knew I really had to get out of here. Fast. I couldn't linger to see the women come back, and I couldn't be a burden to Carlisle any longer.

I snapped upright and grabbed my jacket from the coat hook beside the door mechanically, with a look of false apologies written all over my face. Carlisle looked confused with my actions.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave. I told Charlie I'd be back, like, fifteen minutes ago. Tell Esme I'll see her next tim- later."

I hastily reached for the door handle, as Carlisle opened his mouth to speak. I needed to leave, I had to go. I just wanted to get out of this house, away from the emptiness and the memories and Carlisle measuring his every word and _Edward _and just get far away. I needed to breathe, to get outside.

I saw my hand throw the door open automatically and my feet began to move towards it.

"Bye Carlisle! Thank you!" My words sounded slurred and hurried to my ears. I knew I would look frantic and crazy, just the things he was trying to avoid.

I jetted out the door before he could say anything and didn't look back to see the worried or confused expression I would indefinitely see on his face as I ran to the driveway, getting closer to my safe haven with each shaky step. I practically flew into my truck's front seat and started the engine without hesitation. I was breathing hard and sure I was having a mild panic attack.

My ribs felt like they were caving in on my lungs and through labored breaths I realized I had nothing but the thought of a smiling Carlisle's face to keep me company on my long drive home.

If possible, my ribs constricted a little tighter and not a breath could escape my lungs. I doubled over and tried to breathe but I could barely suck in any air. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I began to think that maybe I _was _going crazy.

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**Please review! :)**


	3. Message

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! This chapter unfortunately doesn't have Carlisle, but he will for sure be back in chapter four, but I did throw in a little Jacob Black for you guys! I will try really hard to update faster! :) ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW! :)

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Chapter Four

Message

"…then I bolted out of there like the devil was chasing me, ran to my car and I'm pretty sure from there I had a panic attack. Jake, it was  
_so _embarrassing, he probably thinks I'm an unstable freak show."

Jacob smiled at my expense and the afternoon sun glinted off his white teeth and warmed his tan skin to a shade of dark gold. We were sitting on the La Push beach with our shoes off and the rocking waters licked the tips of my bare toes with each sway. I glared at his evident amusement of my embarrassment. He stopped chuckling and turned to look at me. Jake shrugged lightly.

"Who cares?"

I was speechless. _That _was the guy's attempt at comforting me? My eyes narrowed at him and he fought back a grin. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"What do you mean 'who cares', Jacob Black? It was mortifying."

He broke his gaze from mine and looked out into the endless waters, as if he was looking for an answer in the picture before him. If I weren't so annoyed at his lack of response, I would have admired how he looked exactly like a portrait of a thoughtful boy admiring the beauty of nature. But instead, I rolled my eyes and searched for what he was finding so damn interesting in the water. He spoke again, more quietly this time, but his voice was filled with controlled emotion.

"I meant, _who cares _what a stupid bloodsucker thinks anyway? The damn leech probably doesn't care enough to worry about you anyway…_stupid vampire_…"

Needless to say, although we had talked about it, Jacob was still a little more than resentful and angry at my easy acceptance of Edward after he had returned. Also, him being a werewolf just hyped up this 'I-Hate-Vampires" thing even more. Jacob was grinding his jaw out of anger and I moved my hand to place it on top on his. I squeezed it and the intense heat from his skin shot up my arm. I could see the tense muscles in his broad back relax a bit.

"Jake, take it easy. Don't get yourself so worked up, Billy will kill me if you come home in a rage, again."

He stopped grinding his teeth and ducked his head chuckling. I mentally sighed. That was easy, I was afraid he would be angry with me for days; it had happened before. Don't get me wrong, I loved the guy, but when he was mad, he was _mad. _Besides, if he got any angrier I would have been dealing with a pissed off wolf sitting with me and that would _not _be good, for me or him. He raised his head to look at me again apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Bells. They just piss the hell out of me." He shrugged as though that were enough to say on the subject, and I decided not to say a word more. I hated dealing with Jacob when he was rambling on about the worst things about vampires. So far, his list was well over two hundred.

Jacob shifted beside me and lifted himself easily on his feet, while pulling his shoes on. I grabbed mine as well and dried my feet on the warm sand before pulling them on also. Jake extended his long arm and pulled me up to my feet as if I weighed as much as a feather. I examined the defined muscles in his arm move as he pulled it back to his side and shuddered. It was hard to imagine this Jacob standing next to the old one. The difference would be massive.

We walked in a comfortable silence back to his house and to my truck. Jake reached there first with the help of his long legs. He leaned against the rusty paint waiting for me to catch up and he smiled at me. I smiled back. Jacob was one of the best people to be around as long as he wasn't angry, jealous or worked up. That wasn't often, but when he was completely happy, like now, I was so glad to be with him. I caught up to him and leaned against my truck as well. I bumped my arm against his playfully and he bumped back. We both giggled.

Then he sighed as if suddenly remembering something and the playful smile left his face.

"Sorry, Bella. I just remembered Sam asked me to run patrols today. I completely forgot."

The smile dropped from my face too but I tried not to look as disappointed as I actually was. Truth be told, I had been counting on Jake to keep me entertained until at least Charlie got home.

"It's okay, Jacob. You do your thing, okay?" I smiled unconvincingly and he hugged me before saying bye and disappearing into the trees.

I stood alone outside of his house and sighing, climbed into my truck.

As I drove, I thought. Jacob _did_ seem to have a point, however small. Why did it seem to matter so much to me what Carlisle had thought of my actions? Of course, I didn't' want him believing I was mental or referring me to a psychiatrist, but why was I dwelling on it so much? Carlisle was understanding, he had probably figured out I was stressed and anxious about Edward leaving me and had panicked because of that. But that wasn't it. I had freaked because I was scared Carlisle was _worrying _about me. I hadn't even thought of Edward all day, and evidently he had not thought of me either. He still hadn't called, and I was growing annoyed.

I replayed the scene in my head from the day before and began to wish that I _had_ looked over my shoulder to see Carlisle's face as I ran out of the house. I needed a different picture of him in my mind, away from the smiling, _perfect _one I already had. I needed a picture of him confused or worried or scared. I needed to know that he wasn't perfect and smiling all the time, because I sure as hell wasn't. I needed that little bit of comfort that I wasn't the only person with emotions in this town. I nearly swerved my car around to head back to the Cullen house right then, but chose not to.

I drove down my street to my house and wasn't at all surprised to see Charlie's car absent from our driveway. I parked my car diagonally on the stretch of pavement our cars shared, not caring about the scolding I would absolutely get from Charlie about leaving no space for his cruiser. I didn't care; he could park on the street for one night.

Opening the front door, I saw nothing. All the lights were out; no one had been home the whole day. I sighed, and flicked the switches up slowly as I walked by them and up the stairs. My room looked exactly the same as I had left it this morning. Messy… and small. What had I expected? The magic clean-up fairy to clean my room while I was gone? I laughed scornfully to myself and grabbed my pajamas, even though it was only about four in the afternoon. I changed, and unenthusiastically made my way down the stairs. An afternoon by myself…great. Maybe I'd pop in a DVD and pig out on junk food for the rest of the day. I shrugged to myself and started towards the kitchen to get some ice-cream, when a flickering red light caught my attention.

My eyes zeroed in on the source and I saw the voicemail light on the phone flashing. My heart immediately sped up. Did he finally call? Did Edward finally remember me? I walked toward the phone slowly, forgetting my ice-cream altogether. My heart seemed to only get faster with each shaky step.

I pressed the button with my finger, and lifted the receiver to my ear. My palms were sweating and the phone slipped out of my hand a little. I braced it between my shoulder and ear, and my hand steadied my shaky knees by gripping the table.

"You have two new messages. Press one to hear your first new message."

The automated voice surprised me. Two? Maybe the second one was Alice? Or someone for Charlie?

I pressed 'one' and held my breath as the pause before the message seemed to get longer and longer. I bit my lip just hard enough to draw a little blood. I unconsciously licked it up and didn't even cringe at the taste. I finally heard a voice and my heart stopped.

"Bella, it's Edward. Carlisle called me and said you seemed a little stressed. Said something about you running from the house and disappearing down the road in your truck. What happened? He sounded worried. I'll call you sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Bye, Bella."

I froze. That was it? He hadn't even said hello, let alone sounded worried. This was the phone call I was waiting day and night for? I suddenly felt cold, and a shiver ran through my spine. Edward had only called because Carlisle had told him about my crazy episode. No 'I love you' or 'I miss you', or anything I had desperately been waiting to hear. Could it be he was so busy, he had forgotten? _No. _You can't be too busy to say 'I love you'.

I nearly hurled the phone at the wall in a sudden burst of anger, but I stopped in my actions when the second message played and my breath caught in my throat.

"Hello, Bella, it's Carlisle. I just wanted to check up on you to see if everything was okay. You seemed…anxious yesterday. I was worried about you. Please call me if you need anything at all. I'll be there right away, I promise. Call me back if you can… otherwise call me tomorrow. I'd prefer you call me after you hear this message though...I want to know if you're okay. Take care, Bella."

This time the phone slipped and hit the ground. I stood still, staring at the wall in front of me. My knees gave out and I crumpled on the ground, beside the receiver. I could hear the dial tone. My heart was going even faster.

How could it be possible that Carlisle was more worried about me than my own Edward? How was it possible that his message seemed more genuine than Edward's?

And _how in the world_ was it possible… that hearing Carlisle's voice had made me even happier than hearing Edward's?

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**Hope you liked! :) The next chapter will be up soon hopefully! Please review :)**


	4. Slipping

**A/N: I told you I'd get the next one up pretty fast! :) I was so happy with the reviews on the last chapter, that i was inspired to write! Carlisle is in this one (YAYY!) So hope you like and keep those awesome reviews coming, guys! I love to hear from you.

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Chapter Four

Slipping

I barely slept that night.

I kept tossing and turning, and tossing and turning, _trying _my damn hardest to get Carlisle's worried voice out of my head. I had, of course, deleted both messages right away, in case Charlie decided to check them. I would not have him find out about my freak-out through voicemail. In fact, I'd rather him not find out at all.

With that said, I didn't sleep at all. I stared out of my window and let the moonlight shine on my face, hoping that Edward would leap through the frame and everything would be back to normal. No more of these confused feelings and crazy voicemails that keep me up all night. But another part of me didn't want Edward. I was still trying to figure out what his cold message was about…but I didn't get it. He _had _forgotten me; at least how much I needed him here. My chest hurt as I remembered his bored tone. It was as if he had better things to do, better people to be with.

But Carlisle's message…I didn't understand why it seemed so genuine. Of course, he was compassionate, but something about his voice felt different. It was as if he really _was _worried, and really _did _want to be sure I was okay. I didn't know why hearing that message had been so reassuring and comforting…but at the same time, let out a fury of feelings I couldn't explain for the life of me. My head throbbed with lack of sleep.

I made my way to the kitchen, yawning and trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I was tired beyond belief. Catching my reflection in a passing mirror, I cringed. My eyes were surrounded in dark circles and my hair resembled a nest; the product of last night's tossing and turning. I grabbed a knife from the cutlery drawer and an apple from the counter, cutting as I walked to the living room. My eyes drooped more and more with each step and the knife felt loose and unstable in my hand. I made another cut in the apple as my eyelids seemed to only get heavier and a searing pain in the palm of my hand jolted me fully awake.

_Oh, shit. _

A single drop of blood ran down the length of my arm from the stinging gash and fell onto the carpet. The cut was deep, I could feel it. _Oh god_, I could feel it. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to scream from the pain and the smell of blood filled the air around me. My stomach turned. Grabbing a washcloth, I quickly bandaged my hand and grabbed my car keys.

Another trip to the hospital. Joy.

I drove in a daze with one hand. It hurt like hell, but driving injured and extremely tired could only result in danger, so I tried to keep close attention to the road. Especially since _I_ was the driver, I needed to take much care. The hospital parking was nearly empty, and I parked with difficulty, taking up two spaces instead of one. I didn't care; I just needed my hand back in one piece and not bleeding all over my car seats.

The woman at the entry desk was consumed in her computer work as I walked in, but I could see the clear reflection of Solitaire in her glasses. I cleared my throat obnoxiously as I approached, trying to get her attention away from the stupid card game and to my stupid, bleeding hand. The makeshift bandage was almost completely reddened from my blood and I tried not to look at it too much. My stomach turned again. The woman looked up from her game, _finally_, and gave me a toothy grin. Her nametag read 'Shirley'. I groaned.

"Hello, miss, what can I do for you?"

I stared at her incredulously. Was she blind? Could she not _see_ 'what she could do for me'? I held up my bloody hand and waved in front of her face. I made mental note not to do that again, because it hurt like shit. The annoying smile wiped off her face at the bloody sight and I could see her gulp. Good.

"Well, as you can see, my hand is sort of incapacitated right now, and I would love to get it fixed. So, if you wouldn't mind doing your job and showing me to a doctor, that would just be great."

Okay, so maybe I didn't need to be so rude, but I was tired, hungry and bloody. Not exactly a picture of politeness.

She nodded silently and typed something in on her computer.

"I just need your name."

I breathed through gritted teeth because the pain was getting a lot worse. I tried not to move my hand or think too much. Not until I had stitches across my palm.

"Bella Swan…Chief Swan's daughter."

I didn't know why I added that last part, but evidently she realized who I was and didn't linger too much longer. Everyone knew who I was after the whole 'finding me in the woods after Edward left me' thing. I tried not to be embarrassed.

"Go down the hall to room 100, the doctor will be there shortly."

I nodded and quickly made my way down the hall, trying not to trip over my feet. The room was empty, and I hoped that this doctor wouldn't take too long. My hand was in _pain_.

The room was too white and blindingly bright. I literally squinted my eyes from the intense brightness and I sat on the uncomfortable bed, cradling my arm. It was so quiet, my ears hurt from the silence. I could feel the blood soaking through the bandage and onto the other hand I was cradling it with. I closed my eyes and tried to keep the picture of the blood out of my head. I felt queasy.

The clock ticked loudly and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. The pain was shooting up through my arm and down to my toes. The door flew open and I opened my eyes again.

My breathing stopped.

Carlisle stood at the door, dressed in a standard white lab coat, but looking as perfect as ever. He held a file in his hand and his eyes immediately went round as they took in the sight of my hand. He was beside me in less than a second.

"Bella, what happened?"

His fast hands were unwrapping the bandages and his eyes were locked on the now-visible gash. The cut stung from the sudden exposure to air and I sucked in a breath. He hissed and immediately began to sterilize the cut with a wipe.

"I- I…" I was stuttering. I couldn't form a simple answer to his question. He didn't notice; Carlisle was already stitching my hand. I hadn't even felt it. He worked fast and furiously, but gently too. I barely felt a thing. I continued to stare at his focused expression; a line of worry was stretching across his forehead.

Carlisle looked up and caught me staring. I looked away hurriedly, not realizing I had been watching him so closely. I could feel my cheeks heat.

"I'm finished, Bella."

I looked at my hand and saw a fresh bandage covering the stitches. I could only nod. He continued to study me and I finally looked up to meet his eyes. They were full of worry…and sadness? I had never seen that look on Carlisle's face before. I suddenly took back my wish of seeing him like this. I preferred him smiling.

"I'm okay…" I tried to reassure him but he didn't look convinced.

"Bella, how did this happen? Did you do this to yourself?"

I understood what he implied and shook my head quickly.

"No, I didn't. I mean, I did, but not like _that_…it was an accident. I wouldn't do that…you know blood makes me queasy, I could barely stand to look at a paper cut."

My attempt at humor wasn't received. He continued to stare at me with _that _look on his face. He spoke again, more quietly. I had to lean in a little closer to hear.

"You didn't call back, Bella. I was so worried."

So that was what was bothering him. I didn't know how to answer though. Truthfully, I wasn't planning on calling back; I didn't know what I would say. I tried to look apologetic.

"Oh. I…was going to…but-"

Carlisle shook his head and turned away from me. I could only see his back now. He was scribbling something on my file and then closed it and began to walk to the door. The professional, calm look was gracing his features again and the vulnerable, worried tone was gone from his voice when he spoke again. This time, it was the 'doctor' voice.

"Take some painkillers if it hurts too much. Be careful driving back, and pay more attention to your knives, Bella."

He smiled somewhat sadly at me and reached for the doorknob when I suddenly called out.

"Carlisle, wait."

He froze.

"I'm sorry I didn't call back. It's just…I got a message from Edward too."

That was half of it, at least. I didn't mention how his message had me feeling so confused and Edward's had left me frozen cold. Carlisle turned around and looked, sensing that there was more to the story. One look into his face had me spitting out the truth like word vomit.

"His message…it was…weird. Like he was too busy to talk to me and he sounded a little annoyed, I don't know why. I was just thinking about it too much and forgot to call. I'm really sorry."

I was. He smiled again, this time it was the smile I had seen on his face many times. The _Carlisle _smile.

"Don't worry, Bella. I was just worried about you that's all. I'm sorry if I seemed pushy. And Edward…well, he's probably just busy and preoccupied. I wouldn't think on it too much. But, if you want me to talk to him, I can."

For some reason, I didn't jump at his offer. I was a little more than annoyed with Edward at the moment and didn't want to talk to him really. I shrugged.

"I don't know. He said he'd call again. Truthfully, I'm not really in the mood to talk to him right now."

Carlisle didn't look surprised. He was still smiling.

"It will work out, Bella. You take care of yourself though…stay safe. I was so worried, I couldn't get my mind off of you. I was terrified that this was going to be…like last time. I don't know what I would do to myself if Edward's absence broke you again. I don't think I…_anyone _could fix you. I'd never forgive myself."

I believed him; and surprising even myself, I got off the bed and reached my arms towards him. I closed my eyes and took a deep, measuring breath before wrapping my arms around his torso, and pulling my face into his chest. In that moment as I held on to him, I felt so safe and whole. It was the way I should feel with Edward, yet it came so naturally with Carlisle.

He was stiff for a moment, as through deciding with himself if this was crossing an imaginary line, but he relaxed and I felt his cool arms comfort me as well. I smiled.

"Thank you, Carlisle. For caring. You mean a lot to me."

I could feel him gulp, but he didn't say a word. I was still hugging him. After a moment, he pulled me off of him awkwardly and smiled embarrassed that the embrace had gone on so long. I didn't have the dignity to look apologetic. I liked it, it had felt right.

"I'll see you soon, Bella. I promise."

He winked and with a parting pat on my shoulder turned to leave out the door. I made to follow him, but at that moment my feet decided to act of their own accord, and before I knew it I was falling over myself and the ground was rushing up to meet me face first.

I squeezed my eyes, waiting for the impact, but a pair of strong arms caught me an inch away from the floor. The clipboard Carlisle had been holding came crashing down beside me and he pulled me up, sighing.

He stood me up and faced me towards him, pushing a few loose strands of hair out of my eyes. My breathing relaxed at his touch and he sighed again, looking at me more seriously than ever.

"I swear you'll be the death of me, Bella."

I couldn't help but smirk.

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	5. Stay

**A/N: Hello again! I'm back and bursting with a new chapter. Sorry it took a little while I had piles of homework this week. I'll try my absolute hardest to update faster guys! You've waited long enough, here it is!

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Chapter 5

Stay

The curtains are drawn over the great glass wall of the room and only a faint glow of light penetrates through the thick golden curtain. The door clicks behind him as he walks angelically towards the four-poster bed I am laying on, princess-style gown spread all around me. I watch him through low eyelashes and he smiles at me, knowing this day is a celebration of my eternity to begin with him.

His strong hand supports my weight as he pulls me into his side on the opposite end of the vast bed. The sheets don't even crease as I slide over to him and he captures my lips in a soft, chaste kiss as soon as I am inches away from his face. I kiss him back and the orange glow behind my closed eyelids tells me the sun is setting. Sure enough, when I open my wide eyes again, pink and orange lights are dancing through the curtain onto the pristine floors. It's time.

He looks at me, acknowledging as well that the time has come to make this official. I lick my red lips in anticipation as he shifts to hover over me; his elbow props him up. His thumb traces my jaw and he kisses me again. It's quiet except for our harmonious breathing.

"Do it, now," I say when he breaks his lips away from mine. He stares at me long and hard before nodding slowly. His hand releases my jaw and progresses to move my hair away from the left side of my neck, exposing the flushed skin to his eyes.

I close my eyes and he lowers his face down to my neck. His lips make contact with my warm skin and he places a gentle kiss under the hollow of my ear before moving his mouth lower down my exposed neck. My heart beats faster, as if counting off it's remaining seconds, trying to get a few last thumps in.

"I love you, Bella." His words are soft against my skin, and he parts his lips wider and wider before I feel the graze of his razor-sharp teeth against my skin. I open my eyes, I need to watch him, see his face before he turns me. He looks peaceful.

The sting of his teeth cutting into my flesh barely registers and he closes his jaw tighter, savoring the taste of what he has deprived himself for so long, before releasing the flesh. He turns his face away from me to wipe the blood from his lips and I feel a soft trickle of blood run down my neck and seep into the collar of my gown. The pain never comes. Instead a cool warmth extends from the bite into my veins, halting all human functions along the way down. I cannot feel my heart beat anymore and I smile, because I have become like him…we can spend everyday of eternity together now.

The blood continues to seep into the sheets and spoils my dress but I pull him close and kiss him hard, licking the blood off his lips.

"I love you too, Carlisle."

I awoke with a start, and gasped in the utter darkness of my room. My t-shirt is stuck to my back with a layer of sweat and my legs are trapped in the tangles of my comforter. I heave for breath and I watch my chest rise and fall rapidly as I try to calm my erratic heartbeat.

_What was that? _

Still breathing hard, I reach over to my night table and turn on the light. The light fills the room and I relax a bit, but I still cannot understand what the hell that dream had been about. All I know was that Carlisle had changed me and we had kissed (multiple times) before professing our love for each other.

And I also knew that I had sort of enjoyed it. My heart skips a beat as I remember imaginary Carlisle's lips against my throat. I have to sit up to breathe normally again.

I can hear Charlie's snores from down the hall, and I find myself madly wishing that I could have another night where Edward would lay beside me and talk to me until I fell asleep. There was no chance in hell I would be able to fall asleep again after that dream, and the loneliness of the night pressed in all around me. I needed Edward…I needed someone. Someone who could stay awake all night and comfort me and make me feel safe again. Someone like…Carlisle.

This incessant need for Carlisle's company and the presence of him in my dreams as more than a friend or father figure scared me…but he was the only one. He made me feel things differently.

But would it be completely weird to call him over at this early hour? He would be uncomfortable and I'm not sure that I'd care. I glanced guiltily at the phone on my night table before reaching out to dial the familiar number.

I wasn't sure I was thinking quite clearly because the only thing going through my mind was what I would say if Esme or Rosalie picked up the phone. It rung again and my grip tensed on the receiver. What would I do if he was working? Or not there to talk to me? What if he said no? My stomach rolled with anxiety before a familiar voice answered on the other line.

"Hello? Bella, are you alright? This is an early hour for you, is everything okay?"

Carlisle's worry seeped through the line and an unexplainable warmth filled me up. I suppressed a grin.

"I'm fine, Carlisle. I didn't mean to worry you…it's just…" I suddenly had no idea what to say.

He sighed relief on the other line. "Good. What do you need, Bella? Is your hand alright?"

"Um, yeah…my hand is good. I just…well, I had a bad dream. No, not exactly…it wasn't really that bad, I kind of liked it. It's just left me with all these feelings and I'm lonely. Edward usually stayed with me at night…and, I don't know. There's no one here."

Carlisle was quiet for a second, processing everything I had said. I waited anxiously for him to speak again.

"Do you want to talk about your dream? If it's bothering you, then maybe it will help if you talk about it."

I bit my lip, "Um, it's not really the dream that bothering me…mostly the loneliness," I breathed deep before I spoke again, "Maybe…if you don't mind, you could come keep me some company? I'd really appreciate it."

He didn't speak again. I couldn't even hear him breathing. I wasn't sure if he was even still on the line.

"Of course, I'll keep you some company, Bella."

I grinned. "Use the window." I whispered and then hung up, anxiously waiting his arrival.

Not even five minutes later, I hear my window pull open and a blonde figure graciously leapt in through the open frame. He came. I pull off my blanket and close the distance between us, hugging him like I had not long ago. He looked the same, he smelled the same, and he felt the same. My heart raced with the familiarity. I let go and look at him sincerely.

"Thank you so much for coming, Carlisle. Really."

He smiled genuinely and I couldn't help but smile back. "Of course, Bella. I told you I'd be here if you needed me…and you needed me."

He put his hand behind my shoulders and guided me back to my bed. I climbed in, almost moving over to make room for him, but suddenly remembering that he was _not _my Edward, and settled down with my blanket around me. Carlisle sat on the foot of my bed.

"So, Bella. This dream…what happened? Was it very frightening?"

I gulped back the lump in my throat, deciding whether or not to tell him the truth. I decided the partial truth would be best.

"Well…no. It wasn't scary…just odd. I can't make sense of it."

"Well, what was it about?"

I stared into his curious eyes and spoke slowly. "Don't freak out…but it was kind of about you. You…changed me. Bit me and turned me into a vampire. Only it wasn't scary because I _wanted _you to change me…I asked you."

I watched a line of worry crease his forehead. Gladly, I hadn't let slip the enormous bed we had laid on kissing and the 'I love you's we had spoken. Carlisle rested his chin on his hand and ran his fingers through his hair, thinking.

"I don't know what that could mean, Bella. Maybe it had something to do with Edward not wanting to change you, and your subconscious just turned to the next person you would ask, being me. The dream was probably a representation of how would imagine being turned. Where was the setting?"

I swallowed, feigning obliviousness. "It's hard to remember the other details, really." Edward had always said I was transparent when I lied; I hoped Carlisle didn't know me that well yet to know when I was lying.

Evidently, he sensed that there was something I was repressing and gave me a curious stare, but didn't press for details. Carlisle got up from my bed and moved around, examining different things in my room. I watched him walk slowly and silently and suddenly I found myself wanting to ask him something.

"Carlisle?" I called, "Can I ask you something? Will you tell me the truth?"

He looked over at me, seeing a vulnerable expression on my face and nodded. "Of course, Bella, anything."

I stared into his eyes. "Would you do it? Change me? If asked you, that is."

Carlisle stopped walking and looked at me. "Well, I'm not sure. Edward would not want me to, obviously, but I feel like it would be safer for you if I did. You'd be more protected…able to take care of yourself. We wouldn't worry about you…_I _wouldn't worry…"

He trailed off, lost in his thoughts. I interrupted them.

"Yes? Is that a yes, then?"

Pulling his eyes back to me, he continued to stay silent. I nodded my head, urging him to answer.

"I…think so. I would."

I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and something in me felt at ease. I beckoned Carlisle back to the foot of my bed. He walked back and sat down lightly, watching me and knowing he had given the right response.

"Stay here, Carlisle. With me, close. You put me at ease."

Carlisle didn't smile, merely nodded his head. He reached out and adjusted my pillow, gesturing for me to lie down.

"I'll stay, Bella. Try to sleep."

I didn't mention the fact that having the object of dreams staying so close to me could hardly will my body to sleep, so I nodded and smiled before closing my eyes. I could now only hear Carlisle's practiced breathing and my own light sighs in the quiet bedroom. The cold radiating off his body froze my feet, but I didn't mind, it almost felt good. He was staying and he cared about me. That was all I needed.

Drowsiness came more effortlessly than I imagined and it was as though Carlisle acted as my sleeping pill; an insomniac's cure. His presence made me feel more relaxed than I had in a long while and I found myself drifting off slowly with each leisurely breath.

The foot of my bed shifted and I felt a weight lift itself off my mattress. He was leaving. I spoke out, through the thickness of my sleep.

"Stay… promise."

A quiet, calming voice whispered near my ear.

"I promise. Sleep, Bella."

His lips pressed ever so softly against my cheek and that was all the convincing I needed before succumbing to the darkness.

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	6. Brilliance

**A/N: A million apologies my dears! I am truly truly sorry that I have abandoned this story for so long. It's been a crazy week what with midterms...school is a killer! But I promise to try my hardest to at least update on weekends, if not during the week! I really will try guys! Anyway, this chapter was so fun to write, everything is getting into full gear! Hope you all like, and please review! :)

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Chapter Six

Brilliance

A shiver traveled down my spine and I hugged myself trying to preserve the little warmth I had. The air around me was cooler than it usually was, and I could sense something in my room other than myself. I squeezed my lids tighter, in a feeble attempt to fall asleep again but the cold that penetrated through my covers and into my chattering bones rendered it impossible. I groaned sleepily.

I turned myself over drudgingly and lifted an eyelid open slightly into the blinding morning sun, surprising myself at the sight before me.

Carlisle had pulled a chair to my bedside and sat ever so still, entranced in the book resting in his hands, Wuthering Heights, which he had evidently plucked off my bedside table. The sunlight streaming through my curtains fell upon him, illuminating him ever so slightly and giving him the appearance of a large halo. I drunk in this marvelous sight and noted that he was still in his clothes from last night. I couldn't stop a small smile from gracing my lips. It made my heart swell to know that he had actually stayed. He had kept his promise. Carlisle flipped a page and dog-eared the corner, marking his place before lifting his eyes to mine. He smiled.

"Good morning, Bella. You look lovely."

I propped myself up on my elbow and ran an embarrassed hand through my knotted hair. I knew for a fact that I looked far from lovely. The only person the term 'lovely' could truly apply to would be Carlisle himself, but I decided not to mention it. I mumbled a low 'good morning to you too' as well, and began to pull off my covers. Although the rare sunlight filtered through my curtains, the room was colder than ever. I shivered visibly in my t-shirt.

Carlisle frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize my presence was so…frigid." He chuckled, embarrassed. Even through his embarrassment, the sound was melodic. I shrugged unimpressively.

"It's fine, really. I guess I'm just not used to it…what with Edward gone."

At the mention of Edward's name, something in Carlisle's back became rigid. His shoulders tensed, and I pretended not to notice. He lifted himself easily off the chair and crossed the distance towards me. I immediately became conscious of morning breath, but Carlisle noticed nothing. He braced his hands on either of my shoulders and looked at me deeply.

"Are you okay now, Bella? Is it okay if I leave? I daresay I have definitely overstayed my welcome."

My stomach flopped. I didn't want him to go. Not yet. Something in me felt calm and relaxed when he was with me. I needed him here. With me. Selfish or not, I didn't care. I couldn't let him go. I could tell Carlisle saw my inner battle written clearly on my face.

"Do you have to?" I was whispering. I wasn't sure why, it just felt like something that had to be kept a secret. The lines around Carlisle's mouth tensed for a second and then relaxed.

"No. I don't work Sunday. And I can explain to Esme that you needed me. If you really want me to…I won't go, Bella."

I closed my eyes in relief that I could keep him, though he certainly wasn't mine to keep. He had spoken my name and it lingered in the air between us, and I found myself wishing that I could hear him say my name all day long. His voice was so…_Carlisle._ I found that I loved it.

He released my shoulders and I flitted to the bathroom to brush my teeth hurriedly. I quickly changed my clothes and brushed my hair, finding every moment away from him to be a waste. When I breathlessly returned to my room, I found that Carlisle had opened my curtains, letting the sunlight flow into my room. The sky reflected my mood. It was clear and bright for once, free of the burden of the heavy rain clouds. I felt the same way; free.

"What would you like to do, Bella? Breakfast?"

Carlisle had walked to my bedroom door and was holding it open. I hadn't even noticed.

"Um, sure." I shrugged, "Wait. No. We can't go downstairs. Charlie could wake up any time now, and he doesn't know that you're here, remember?"

Carlisle's face reflected his worry that maybe this wasn't right, but it was gone within the second it came. I walked over to his side and took his hand.

"Let's go somewhere. It's brilliant outside today. And…let's use the window. It's probably safer."

He nodded and grasping my hand as well, pulled me back to my window and lifted it open. I peered over his shoulder and looked down. It was kind of a far drop. I gulped, and squeezed Carlisle's hand tighter. He looked back at me and smiled.

"I wouldn't let anything happen to you, Bella."

I looked into his amber eyes and sighed. "I know. Thank you." I smiled lightly, "Well, where do you want to go, then?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then a dazzling smile flew upon his lips. "I know just the place. I'll bet you know it too. Just hold on tight, okay?"

I had barely nodded before Carlisle lifted me onto his back and was flying out my window. The wind lashed across my face and I tightened my grip around his neck squeezing my legs tighter against his waist as he soared. I could only see blurs of gray and green and the brilliant blue of the sky as the sun shined meticulously upon my face. I couldn't even close my eyes if I tried, the sight before my eyes was all too mesmerizing. The blonde of Carlisle's hair flew in the wind and over the sound of rushing wind in my ears, I swore I could hear him laughing. It sounded so carefree, so young. I had never heard him laugh like that.

He ran faster still, and soon we were headed to a particularly large blur of green and brown. Carlisle ran us into the forest, and as each branch and leaf aimed to hit us, he agilely dodged and ducked each one, not allowing a single scratch against my skin. He delved deeper and deeper into the thick of the trees and the sounds of civilization were dying away…the calm of the forest and the fast crunch of Carlisle's feet against the forest floor were the only sounds I could hear. That, and my even faster breathing.

We ran for a few minutes and Carlisle never slowed and I never uttered a sound. Slowly but surely, we began to slow and Carlisle was leading us into a place I knew… a place I knew, but couldn't recall. The surroundings became familiar to my wide eyes, and I suddenly sucked in a breath. It couldn't be…

Carlisle stopped once he reached the middle of the clearing. I didn't climb off him. I didn't think I could stand just yet, I couldn't trust my legs to hold me up. How could he know this place? I thought it was just me…Edward and me.

I knew he could sense my hesitancy and helped me off his back, bracing me with his arms. My feet touched solid ground and my knees instantly crumpled. Carlisle moved me gently to a sitting position on the warm grass. He sat beside me and placed an arm around my shoulders. I turned to look at him.

"The meadow."

He nodded, looking apprehensive, clearly wondering whether it was a mistake to bring me here. I tried to form more words.

"Edward brought me here."

He nodded once more, and looked away from me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that this spot had so much sentimental value to the two of you. I wouldn't have brought you here if I knew."

The apologies in his sincere eyes instantly made me regret my reaction. I leaned into him, in an awkward sitting down hug.

"No. Don't be sorry. I'm glad you brought me here, Carlisle. Really. I haven't been here in so long…it's nice to be here again…and share it with you."

I could feel him smile and pull away slightly. I leaned in even closer.

I noted then that it was shady in the spot; usually it was filled with sunlight. I looked up into the sky at random. A cloud had drifted across the sun, blocking the rays from shining down on us. Suddenly I remembered something.

"The first time I came here…Edward showed me his skin in the sun. I remember being so dazzled, it was beautiful."

"Yes, remarkable, isn't it? The way our skin shines like millions of diamonds…a beautiful contrast to a hideous monster, don't you think?"

My head snapped to look at him. "I don't think you're a monster. Any of you. Especially not you. You're…perfect."

Carlisle met my eyes and looked slightly taken aback at my words. I stared back defiantly.

"Thank you." He said quietly.

I only smiled. Something in me suddenly wondered what he would look like in the sun…shining like the diamond he was. I couldn't even form a picture in my mind, I had to see it.

"Won't you show me, Carlisle?" I whispered.

The cloud was inching off the sun slowly, and my chance was coming.

He didn't understand. "Show you what?"

The gray cloud was moving and a speck of light shined down on the clearing.

"You. In the sun. Please."

Carlisle looked hesitant. "Are you sure?"

A full ray of light was now illuminating part of the clearing.

"Yes."

He stood and I closed my eyes. I heard him walk to the middle of the clearing. The cloud moved even further off the sun.

I counted in my head silently, and when the light became full and bright under my eyelids, I opened them. The cloud had exposed the sun to shine brilliantly upon Carlisle. I moved my vision to him and stopped breathing. He was beautiful.

The light fell upon his golden hair and golden eyes and pale, pale skin. Only the pale skin wasn't skin. It was a field of thousands upon thousands of tiny diamonds, glistening off him. They reflected and sparkled in the illumination of sunlight and I had to admit, he was even more marvelous than Edward. The strength returned to my legs and I felt myself stand. My feet moved automatically towards him.

His shine became brighter and brighter as I walked closer to him and I soon found myself squinting in the intensity of his skin. The diamonds danced as he took measured breaths, and as his chest rose and fell with each one. I stood directly in front of him, reaching my hand out silently to trace the lines of his face, to touch each gleaming speck of utter brilliance. My fingers ran down his jaw and down his neck, reaching the collar of his shirt.

Without thinking, I began to unbutton the top few buttons, just aching to see a little more of his beauty. Carlisle opened his eyes and watched me slowly open his shirt, but couldn't find the resolve or want to stop me. With the third button opened, I watched as the sun now illuminated his chest as well and I moved to the fourth button. At that, I looked up into Carlisle's unsure face and he looked into mine. It was completely silent. Just the two of us. Me and Carlisle.

He slowly began to lean down towards me, craning his neck closer to my face as I extended myself slowly to reach his lips. I could feel his breath tickle my nose.

Carlisle closed his eyes and I closed mine, as we slowly met halfway…

A sudden crack of a twig jerked me out my reverie. Carlisle backed away from me as if a shock had ran through him and I frantically searched for the source of our disturbance. The silence and magic of a few seconds ago had disappeared more quickly than it had come, and we both realized in that sudden moment, that we were, in fact, not the only two people in the world. Carlisle had turned his back to me and I could see his hands frantically buttoning his shirt back up. A heated blush crept onto my cheeks, and I breathed heavily still looking for the source of the noise.

My eyes scanned the surrounding trees and I tried to measure my breathing, when suddenly they were met with another pair of glowing eyes watching me from behind a tree. My breathing stopped and my world went silent. The eyes watched me for another moment before angrily turning away to disappear into the forest.

The last thing I saw was the retreating form of a familiar russet-colored wolf.

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	7. Stop

**A/N: Updated fast, didn't I? I was so thrilled with the response on chapter six, that I just had to make you all proud! :) I'm hoping the dialogue in this scene is okay... I'm not too too sure of it! PLEASE leave your comments and reviews! :)

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Chapter Seven 

Stop

The constant thrum of the pounding rain against the roof of my truck did absolutely nothing to ease my headache. With each magnified drop the pain just seemed to grow. I rubbed my temples in exasperation.

I gazed out the window of the truck and could barely make out the outline of Jacob Black's house through the thick wall of endless rain. I could only see a distant red house, and the glow of the kitchen light through the window. My stomach turned uneasily and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

Jacob was in there…with my secret. I had to talk to him. I had to make him understand.

But, understand what exactly? I myself still wasn't sure what had happened in the meadow with Carlisle. I pushed that thought out of my head…for now the only thing that mattered was Jacob, and having him not eternally mad at me.

Was I supposed to apologize? Say I'm sorry, even though I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to be sorry for? I didn't know. All I did know was that I had to will my feet to move and get out of this car so I could try and talk to my best friend. If he still was, anyway. My head throbbed painfully at the possibility. Pessimism would get me nowhere.

I shakily unbuckled my seat belt and threw the door open, exposing myself to the murderous rain, hoping with all my might that it was not worse than the wrath Jacob would undoubtedly spew.

The walk up Jacob's driveway was the longest I had ever taken. I was thoroughly soaked to my core before I even made it to the front door and I hoped that my sopping appearance could gain a little sympathy from him.

Fat chance. Jacob's bad moods were always indefinite.

I knocked loudly on the door. The rain was louder and fiercer than before. I shivered in my wet clothes and waited patiently. There was no answer at the door.

Someone was definitely home, though. I could hear shuffling on the inside. I knocked again, even louder. My knuckles burned with the impact against the wood.

Finally, I heard slow, deliberate footsteps on the other side of the door. The knot in my stomach churned painfully and my migraine grew with each approaching step. The doorknob turned and the door flew open to reveal a shirtless, towering Jacob Black.

I said nothing for a whole minute and Jacob surveyed me with the utmost contempt. I shrank a little in my demeanor and tried to say something. My throat was as dry as sandpaper. Jacob continued to mentally scathe me and I noticed his fingers gripping the knob forcefully. His hand shook in internal anger and it was a relief that he didn't morph right then, given the state of rage he was in.

He moved his eyes away from me disdainfully and slammed the door in my face. I choked back a sob.

"Jacob, please! Talk to me!"

My voice shook with unshed tears and sounded smaller than it ever had before. Jacob did not return to the door. I fell against the wood and feebly pounded my fists against it. The rain continued to drown me in my sorrow.

A single tear ran down my already-wet cheek. I brushed it away hurriedly, though no one had seen. I couldn't be weak…I had to stay strong.

I stood myself back up and threw my dripping hair over my shoulder. I let myself in through the door; Jacob had not locked it.

I stepped inside to see Jacob leaning heavily against a wall across from the door. I could tell it was his only support. Had it fallen away, Jacob would have fallen too and crumpled on the ground as his legs gave no visible support of his lanky frame. He braced himself against it and refused to look in my direction.

A flash of lightning ran through the sky behind me and lit up the room through the open door. Jacob glowed in the electric light for a moment and I could see his face taut with anger and hurt. I closed the door. The sounds of thunder and rain became muffled and only the dripping of my drenched clothing and hair could be heard. Jacob still did not look at me. I started towards him.

"Stay away from me, Bella." His voice was quiet and controlled. It stung.

He still looked determinedly in the other direction and I halted in my tracks. I sniffed back another sob.

"J-Jacob…please."

"No. Just…no."

His hands were shaking in anger again. I kept my distance. Jacob closed them into fists and the veins stood out abruptly against his russet skin.

"J-just hear me out. Jacob…Jake."

His head snapped towards me in an instant and his narrowed eyes burned me. I stepped back again. He was getting angrier than I'd ever seen him.

"What's there to hear? I saw what I needed to with my own two eyes. You…and _him._"

"It's not-"

"Not what, Bella! I know what it was, okay! I'm not stupid! Sure, I'm not a damn bloodsucker but I do know what a kiss is! I know what it is when two people _look _at each other like that! And I certainly know that whatever the hell that was…it was disgusting. Revolting."

I bit my lip and a fast track of tears ran down my cheek. Jacob didn't care. He lifted himself away from the wall and brushed past me into the kitchen. In a stupor, I followed him. He ignored me.

Jacob hung his head into the sink and breathed heavily, as if he was about to vomit. I inched a few feet closer to him and opened my mouth, but couldn't think of a word to say. He heaved dryly for a few minutes and I cried silently by his side. He spoke again, but this time it was soft, mingled with tears.

"Who the hell are you, Bella? What the hell is going on? First, you go back to Edward after everything I did for you and everything he put you through…and now, you go running off to his… _father_? What the hell? I'm not the brightest, but even I know that something here is fucked up."

I breathed in deeply before speaking.

"I just…don't know. Carlisle…he's different." I croaked quietly. Jacob's finger's tightened on the tap of sink and it looked in danger of breaking off. I couldn't help but notice that all this unrequited anger was directed at me. My heart sank.

"Different than what exactly? If what you needed was someone to love you or take care of you or keep you safe, you had it all right here. In front of you. You had _me._ But you just make the worst decisions, don't you?"

Jacob lifted his head and looked at me full on for the first time, before wincing and turning away. His eyes had been rimmed in red and were glassy.

"I don't know you anymore. You've changed…you're not my Bella."

A guttural sob escaped my throat and as Jacob began to walk away I grabbed his waist and cried into his warm back. He stayed stiff and did not comfort me. I could tell it took all his strength to peel me off him and walk back to the front door, putting space between us.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and let the tears fall harder as I chased after him.

"Jacob, I'm still the same Bella! I just d-don't know what's going on right now… I have all these feelings and I don't know what they mean! Suddenly, Edward… he's not my whole world anymore a-and someone else…someone different is lighting up my life…that someone being Carlisle. And all I need… I-is my best friend to at least _look_ at me without complete disgust and to tell me it's okay!"

Jacob looked at me with a pained expression.

"It's most definitely not okay. You…you've changed. I don't know what to say to you."

My face crumpled in hurt and Jacob looked away, burying his face in his hands.

"Please. Try to understand."

Jacob shook his head in refusal and pointed shakily to the door.

"I can't. I won't. Get out."

I stepped in front of him and placed his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. Jacob tried to pull away but I held his face in place securely.

"You're my best friend. I just need you to talk to me. I…I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you want me to. But I do love you as my best friend. And right now…that's who I need."

His eyes filled with tears but they did not fall.

"I never asked you to love me like that," He said, trying obviously to keep his voice even and emotionless, "I knew you wouldn't. Not with Edward…and now Carlisle, in the damn picture. But you still lied to me. You never told me that you were sneaking around with him or that things were all confusing…and that hurts. If you really needed your best friend, he would've been the first to know…from you. "

"I never lied, Jake. I would never lie to you."

"By not telling me…you lied. And that kills. More than you know. Right here."

He placed a hand over his heart and pulled his face out of my hands. I was frozen. He ran an agitated hand through his hair.

"He…he's married! Do you know how wrong that is? And Edward…you're still with him. That's fucking sick. I never knew you could ever do something like that! You're not _this_, Bella, you're supposed to be…be you. I don't know…I just never thought…he's _married… _"

"Jacob, stop, please." My voice broke.

"No! You need to hear this. This is wrong! He's a father…a married father and not to mention, your boyfriend's dad! And he…he's what? 300 years old? 400? But it doesn't matter to _you_, right? If it hadn't been for me…you would've kissed him yesterday. Think about that."

I couldn't think about it… my brain wouldn't let me.

"Jake…I…"

"Just stop with the bull. I don't want to hear any more lies. Get out."

Jacob pulled the door open and with a teary glance, I hesitantly stepped outside, back into the pouring rain. He stood in the doorway with gritted teeth and spat out just one more thing.

"Just…just tell me the damn truth about one thing, okay? Do…do you l-love him?"

My mind froze. I didn't know. _Say no. Just say it._ But I couldn't. Did I? It was too soon…how could I answer that?

"I…don't know, Jake."

He smoldered silently for a stunned second and then averted his eyes angrily before turning his back on me.

"Wrong answer."

The door slammed in my face again and I was left alone on his doorstep, with only the rain clouds to cry with me.

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	8. Leave

**A/N: SO WHO SAW NEW MOON?? :) i did! and may i say that it was amazing! i loved it, it was perfect and everything i wanted to see and more. Though, i have to say the best part of it was CARLISLE! tell me what you all thought of it in your reviews. Another chapter for you all!

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Chapter Eight

Leave

Even when everything seems to stop, and your world comes crashing down from every angle, time, the incessantly stubborn concept of time, keeps going. No matter how much you just want it to stop. I wanted it to stop. If it stopped, then maybe the hurt would too.

Jacob was still not speaking to me. It had been only three days since our last conversation and I had gone back to his house every single day, hoping for him to forgive me and trying to talk to him. Each time, I had been met with bitter disappointment. Jacob would not answer the door, nor call me back with each desperate voicemail I left. I had hoped foolishly that he would try to understand and speak to me, but his anger did not fade. And the emptiness in me grew.

I glanced at the clock over the TV. Twelve-thirty. Evidently, Charlie was working late again on his latest case. The silence of the house pressed in on me and the dark nighttime outside the window concealed any chance of a view. Only the random passing of car headlights reminded me that I was not completely alone. I curled my legs under me on the sofa and sighed heavily.

The phone did not ring once that night, and I floated in and out of sleep. Charlie must have come home at some point that night because I awoke the next morning to find a blanket thrown over me. I squinted at the clock again, this time it was illuminated by the morning light of the sun. It was ten past eight.

Well, shit. Might as well stay home today anyway, now that I was late for school. I found myself thinking suddenly of a place I had been hoping to go, and I climbed off the couch to get ready.

Carlisle had not visited nor called since our almost-kiss in the meadow. Whether he was busy, or simply avoiding me…I didn't know. So as I pulled into the hospital parking lot, I briefly checked myself in the mirror and hoped that I had not made a grave mistake in coming here. It might seem rude to interrupt him at work but I needed to see him, just be with him…and we had to talk at some point.

I had walked in and immediately asked to see Dr. Cullen. The receptionist gave me a wary look at my abruptness and calmly stated, while looking back down at her computer, that 'he was busy right now'.

"I need to see him. I…I'm a patient…of his. It-it's urgent."

She surveyed me over the top of glasses as though it couldn't possibly be true but sighed and asked for my name as she picked up the phone and dialed in an extension.

"Bella Swan. He'll know who it is."

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing as the phone rang. My heart was beating erratically somewhere in my throat and I gulped.

"Yes, hello Dr. Cullen. I'm so sorry to bother you, I know you're with a patient, but I have a Miss. Bella Swan here? She claims to be a patient and says that it's urgent."

The woman paused as she listened to Carlisle speak. I strained my ears to try and hear what he was saying. She nodded.

"Okay, doctor. I will let her know. Thank you." She hung up the phone and slowly pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose before looking up at me again. I raised my eyebrows, silently urging her to get on with it. I pulled roughly at a loose thread on my sweater and she licked her lips before speaking.

"Yes, well, he says he is busy, but he will see you as soon as he is done with his current patient. Dr. Cullen would like for you to wait in his office, actually."

I nodded a bit too enthusiastically. "Great. Where is it?"

"Down this hall, make a left, and it's the very last room on the right. The door says 'Dr. Cullen', so I am sure you will have no difficulty finding it. If that is all?"

I nodded again, already setting off down the indicated hallway. "Yes, thank you!"

The fluorescent lighting and sterile white tiles and walls blinded my eyes as I rushed through the hallways, eagerly approaching Carlisle's room. Not even the sounds of chatty nurses or complaining patients filtered through my ears, for they were filled with a blissful buzz. The only thing that mattered was that I was going to see Carlisle. He was coming. I bit back a grin.

The door of Carlisle's office was unlocked and I let myself in. The darker walls and glowing, soft light in the office was a sudden contrast from the harsh lighting in the hallway. I closed the door behind me and moved slowly through the room, letting my eyes adjust.

A chair stood in front of Carlisle's mahogany desk and a larger one sat on the other side, clearly indicated for him, though I knew he probably never used it unless a human was in the room with him. I settled myself on the smaller chair and ran my fingers over his nameplate, tracing each letter of his name. C-u-l-l-e-n.

I slid my finger off the last letter and my eyes fell upon a picture frame facing away from me. Curiosity burning, I reached my finger out and slowly turned the photo to face me. Esme stood, looking as beautiful as ever, in the picture frame with her arms around a glowing Carlisle. I took a sharp intake of breath and did not exhale. Carlisle and Esme smiled serenely up at me unaware. The door flew upon and a chilly breeze blew into the room and ran up the length of my spine.

"Bella."

I turned in my chair slowly and Carlisle stood in the doorway. His eyes flickered to the photo now facing me, and back to my bewildered expression. He pursed his lips slightly but did not say anything. Walking over to his desk, he silently turned the photo back around to its former position before looking down at me expectantly.

"C-Carlisle."

He smiled blandly. "Hello, Bella. Is everything alright? You seem…winded."

I finally exhaled my breath as he watched me closely with a peculiar expression.

"I…yes. I'm okay. I'm fine…everything is…fine."

"Good. Did you need something? I'm actually with a patient right now."

I could feel my cheeks heat up, embarrassed. Of course, he was busy. He was, after all, the best doctor in Forks. I felt childish sitting there and quietly wished I hadn't bothered him at work. Carlisle waited for an answer. After a few moments, he put his clipboard down and reluctantly walked to his chair and sat down at his desk. He leaned closer to me over the table and smiled gently.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

I finally found my voice and nodded as he leaned back in his chair and gave me room to speak.

"Yeah, actually. I kind of…well, I wanted…to talk about the o-other day. In the meadow. And what happened."

Something in Carlisle's face tightened but he kept an indifferent façade. He spoke quietly.

"What about it, Bella?"

Carlisle's false obliviousness caught me off guard. I was certain that he remembered exactly what happened. If I could remember it with such startling clarity, I'm sure he could as well. The bright sunlight, Carlisle's diamond skin, his breath against my face, coming closer… The memory of that day floated to the forefront of my mind and I looked into Carlisle's eyes, only he seemed millions of miles away. His golden eyes were glassy and distant, he was clearly thinking of that day as well.

"Well," I said quietly, "We did…almost…kiss."

The last word hung in the air with potent bluntness and Carlisle's eyes snapped into focus and settled on my face hurriedly, as if surprised I had remember such a crucial detail. I saw him look at the photo on his desk again quickly before straightening his back and leveling his shoulders. The reflection of his smiling wife in the photo was visible in his bright eyes.

"I think," He began calmly, as if speaking to a fragile patient, "It would be much better for the both of us, if you…forget, everything that happened that day. As if it never even happened."

The words hit me like a brick wall at full speed. Carlisle would not meet my eyes and he wrung his hands nervously.

"Wh-what?" I sounded small and the hurt shone through my words. "But, why? That day…was the best day I've had in…in a long time."

"That is precisely why you have to forget. It would be better for you…and me." Carlisle finally met my wide eyes and he was forcing out the words with as much difficulty and pain as they were causing me. An odd, painful expression plastered his face. I couldn't bear to look and averted my eyes.

"I don't understand."

I heard Carlisle sigh and get up from his desk. When he spoke seconds later, he was on the other side of the room. The farthest possible distance from me.

"You're an unbelievably smart girl, Bella. Think about it."

My mind was frozen. What was Carlisle saying?

"Bella…this, whatever _this_ is, has gone too far. What happened in the meadow was…not right."

I didn't speak. My throat was closed and dry.

"You're right. We _did _almostkiss…and that was entirely wrong. It should never have even come close to that. We…I was not responsible and I let things go too far with us. I shouldn't have stayed with you at night, nor taken you to the meadow. It was inappropriate. Whatever has happened these last few days should be forgotten. You'll go back to being Bella, Edward's Bella, and I will go back to being Carlisle. Esme's Carlisle."

I sat frozen and absorbed the rejection that just seemed to keep coming…from Edward, then Jacob…now Carlisle…

"But…why? Why are you doing this?"

"Bella… you see this, here?" He said gently. I looked up slowly and he pointed to a simple gold band on his finger. "This is my wedding ring. This ring ties me to Esme not only as a mate, but as a soul mate, her _husband_. When we married, I promised her I would never lie to her, or hurt her and the night I spent by your bedside, I had told her the hospital needed me…and that day in the meadow, and what almost happened between us, she knows nothing. I never told her. That doesn't exactly count as being truthful, Bella. I can't lie to her anymore. This went too far."

"What are you trying to say? You…don't want me." I came to the conclusion and my heart fell. I tried to blink back tears. These days, they seemed to just keep coming.

"No, Bella, I-I do, it's just…I don't know how to say this. I…find myself finding excuses to see you. I forget my family and who I am because you are constantly in my every thought. I am different with you…you make me feel like a different man, a better man. But it's not right. I have to take the high road. We can't do this anymore."

"Do what? See each other? Be friends?"

Carlisle sighed and the utmost pain came over his face as he spoke the next few words.

"No. It would be better if we did not see each other again."

One single tear fell. Carlisle winced; he had not meant to make me cry.

"But what will I do? Who will be there for me now? Jacob's…not talking to me. Edward…gone. Now you. What have I done wrong? Why do people always leave?"

I was speaking more to myself than Carlisle. He watched me with sad eyes and his face crumpled in pain.

"I…I'm sorry. Bella, it's for the best."

I couldn't see through the thick film of tears in my eyes. I had to get out of here. I had to just…escape. No one needed me. No one _wanted _me. I was alone, and I had nothing. Not without Carlisle. I felt my legs get off the chair and move me to the door.

"You should go…Goodbye, Bella."

Carlisle turned his back to me and I could see his hands clutching the edge of the desk and the wood crumbled slightly under the pressure. His back was tense and he was heaving for breath. I couldn't see this anymore. I turned the doorknob and backed out into the hall in daze.

The exit door was at the very end of the hallway. I ran for it. As fast as my legs could possibly take me. An escape from reality, and I would run to it. The door became larger and larger as I ran and when I burst out into the cool air, it stung against my hot cheeks and hot tears. I couldn't breathe, but I had to run. I had to.

The forest couldn't be too far. I would run to it and break down there. It was my escape. A temporary shelter from the unavoidable pain.

My feet began to pick up speed again as I headed to the forest and the seconds ticked in my ears. The tears kept flowing and time kept moving. They would never stop.

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	9. Falling

**A/N: ALL YOU WONDERFUL REVIEWERS, this one's for you! i was so happy with the reviews, they honestly made me smile so hard my face hurt. :) LOVE YOU ALLL THANK YOU THANK YOU! please keep the great comments and questions and feedback coming!

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Chapter Nine

Falling

I can't move. I can't speak. I can hardly breathe.

I sat still on the dirt; my back leaned heavily on the trunk of a tree. My eyes are closed. Nighttime falls and an impenetrable darkness closed around me and the surrounding forest. I have to go. Charlie will worry. He seems like the only one who really would. I lifted myself tiredly and stumbled my way out of the forest.

Time to face reality.

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I came in through the front door and into the living room where Charlie was seated on his usual chair, his eyes glued to the flat screen. He mumbled hello. I quietly croaked back the same.

At my tone, he looked up and I saw his face go from calm to shocked in seconds. It didn't matter. Nothing matters. I attempted to avert a confrontation and walked to the stairs as fast as my tired feet would take me but Charlie was up and blocking my way in a matter of seconds.

"What happened to you?" He squared his chest and raised his eyebrows, demanding answers.

I shrugged. "Nothing."

"Bella, you're covered in dirt and filthy, you've been gone all day…and, my god, have you been _crying_?"

I quickly tore my eyes away from him and looked directly on a spot on the wall behind him.

"Have not." But the clear thickness of my voice and wetness of my eyes contradicted me. Charlie pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"It's him again, isn't it? If he makes you cry so much, why in god's name, are you still with him?"

He was talking about Edward. I was surprised; Edward had not crossed my mind in a while. I found that it didn't hurt to think of him. I felt nothing, in fact. It didn't matter; he didn't matter. My heart was hurting for a different man altogether, but I didn't correct Charlie. I merely sniffed pathetically.

Charlie opened his eyes. I must have looked utterly dismal because his face softened and he pulled me into him, hugging me tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his t-shirt, willing myself not to cry again. They stung with tears anyway. I barely contained a sob.

"Shh, baby girl. It's gonna be alright."

He stroked my hair and held me closer as we stood awkwardly in our spot, rocking slightly. I felt completely safe in his arms, like the world and the endless hurt couldn't reach me in the arms of my father. A few tears seeped through his shirt and Charlie only held me tighter.

Finally, he pulled me off him and held me at an arm's length examining me. He sighed.

"My, Bella, you sure do look so sad these days. I guess I can't be of too much help though. But if you need me to go after that Cullen kid, I can oblige happily."

I chuckled pitiably but Charlie didn't even smile.

"Go wash up, Bella. Then get some sleep. Those rings under your eyes aren't healthy."

I sighed and nodded to Charlie before trudging up the stairs slowly. I could tell he was watching me, to see if he needed to catch me just in case I fell. What he didn't know was that I had already fallen; into a pit so deep I couldn't ever climb out. And it was because of Carlisle.

"_Whatever has happened these last few days should be forgotten."_

"_It would be better if we did not see each other again."_

"_I'm sorry. Bella, it's for the best."_

His words stab me repeatedly as they echo in my mind, never letting me forget the torture of today. I undress for my bath and climbed into the steaming water shakily, but it feels colder than ever. I shiver uncontrollably and my chest and head ache from the wrenching sobs from before. I try not to think of it…it only hurts more that way. Why relive the pain?

I finally let the water truly envelope me, and the heat spreads from my toes, up my spine and past my heart, where it remains frozen. I sink lower into the water and reach my toes to the other side of the tub, stretching out. My chin dips under the surface and I close my eyes, trying to wash not only the dirt, but also the memory of today away completely. The heat radiates off the water and the mirror is steamy, filled with a dense fog. My mind fogs as well, and the warmth creates a hazy cloud in my head…

I lay on the vast four-poster bed again, and the golden curtains obscure the great glass wall from my view. Something is different. This time there is no sunset light flowing into the pristine room, it is darker than imaginable outside and the room is cast in creepy shadows. The lamp flickers unreliably by the bed and an untrustworthy breeze blows out a nearby candle.

Once a palace of happiness and fertility, the room has now become a sanctuary of darkness.

I am still wearing the princess-style gown and it is still as beautiful as ever, but something feels wrong. I am alone. I can feel a seeping wetness under me and as I look down at my dress, a pool of blood extends over the sheets and my gown. It is my blood. I try to scream, but I cannot make a sound.

There is no Carlisle. I am paralyzed on the bed and the curtain ruffles of its own accord. In the distance, I can hear an angry wolf howling ferociously. I fear for my life and try to scream once more. The wolf howls again, closer this time. I yell for Carlisle now. I can finally hear my frantic voice.

"Carlisle! Carlisle! Come back, please! Carlisle…"

He never comes and I continue to bleed sickeningly.

I cannot yell anymore for water fills my lungs I can't breathe. I cough and sputter, still yelling for Carlisle. I'm suffocating….

I awoke with a cough and water flowed out of my lungs and out of my mouth. I sat up in the water abruptly and it lapped over the sides violently, creating puddles on the tile floor. I had fallen asleep; I told myself through a cough, it was only a dream…

But it _had _been true for the most part. Carlisle had left me in a world of darkness and lately Jacob had been nothing more than an enemy. I sighed and pulled a towel off the counter, stood up and wrapped it around me protectively. I wouldn't let anything hurt me anymore. If no one was going to be around to take care of me, I would have to do it myself.

I glanced in the mirror as I drained the tub and I cringed. I looked like a drowned puppy. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy and my hair fell dark and dripping over my pale shoulders, setting a frightening contrast. I absorbed my appearance and vowed that from here, I would not think of my former best friend or the man who had almost captured my heart. I wouldn't even think of Edward, because if the bastard hadn't left me alone again after he had promised never to, none of this shit would have happened. I finally felt something other than the emptiness and pain. I felt resentment.

I didn't know if this was worse.

I pulled my blanket around me when I crawled into my bed and turned over to face my bare window. The moon shone full and bright into my room and random stars winked at me from the sky. Though unbearably exhausted, I would not go to sleep. I couldn't risk another dream like my last…if it happened again, I wasn't sure I wouldn't break down again. I was barely holding myself together now.

The sky stayed still and black and I watched it with tired eyes. Another day was coming…a fresh start…

A figure suddenly obscured my view out the window and I gasped. There was something, or someone, sitting in my tree. I shot up in my bed and flicked on the bedside lamp, while swearing under my breath.

The figure moved and I held my breath as it reached forward to push open my window. I couldn't make out who or what it was, but it moved with grace and agility, as though it was certain it wouldn't fall or lose balance. My heart jumped to life with startling speed and the window creaked open slightly.

It was coming inside.

The window was pushed open further and I nearly fainted with the shock of seeing a familiar blonde head.

I blinked hard and when my eyes were open again, my mouth parted in shock as Carlisle Cullen kneeled by my bedside.

Neither of us spoke. I was in utter shock and he simply stayed still, drinking in the image of my face.

Carlisle moved a hand tenderly and placed it upon mine. He did not hold my hand, nor caress it, but merely held his upon it to form a link between us. The cold of his skin went up my arm but I continued to stare in shock.

I had never seen Carlisle this way before. His clothing was ruffled and messy, while his infallible blond hair fell all over the place. The constant purple bags under his eyes seemed more pronounced and his overall appearance was the shabbiest I'd ever seen him. His eyes were a flat black and dead looking, and I knew if they could, they would be wet with tears. His mouth was pulled into a thin line and his pale skin shimmered lightly in the moon's glow. This was the appearance of a man who had lost everything. My heart churned for him.

My throat was closing again with oncoming tears and I swallowed down the pain. I didn't know whether to speak. Carlisle blinked but never averted his gaze from mine.

Seconds ticked by loudly in our ears, but neither of us moved or looked away. Finally, he spoke.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on."

He had whispered so low, that if it hadn't been completely silent, I wouldn't have heard. I continued to stare at him, not sure if this moment was real.

"There's no point of it without you, Bella. None of it."

I found a small breath and whispered, "No point of what?"

"Life. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. Every beat of your human heart. I can't be away from you."

His voice had an edge of desperation to it. I wondered if I was dreaming.

"I'm done trying to always take the high road and doing what's right. I tried to tell myself that I could stop myself from needing you, but it was a lie, because these past few hours have been utter hell for me. All I can see in my head is you…crying. And knowing I did that."

Carlisle moved his hand away from mine and trailed it up my arm, resting it on my cheek and guided his thumb over my jaw line.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry. Forgive me."

He dropped his arm in defeat and let his head fall into my lap. His back shook with dry sobs and I used my hand to pull his head up to face me. His face was heartbreaking. My lip trembled and my voice broke.

"Carlisle. Don't. Not over me. Please."

He parted his lips and looked at me with wide eyes.

"You're the only one. Just you, Bella."

A tear falls down my cheek and I beckoned him to join me on my bed. Carlisle picked himself up and seated himself on the edge of my bed, pulling my body close to his in a desperate appeal for contact. I let my head fall on his shoulder and ran a hand through his hair. He let out a heavy breath over my hair and I pushed my nails into his back, never wanting to let him go.

"I can't pretend this is nothing anymore. I tried…it doesn't work; I'm lost without you. I can't resist this. You're everything to me."

I exhaled breathily and pushed my lips onto his shoulder in an openmouthed kiss.

"I need you more than you know, Carlisle."

He pulled me onto his lap and crushed me into his chest. I angled my head upwards to look him in the eye, to know that everything in this moment was real. His black eyes meet mine and the desperation was still on his features, but he looked at me with the same bewilderment in his eyes, that I really do want him.

I found myself whispering again.

"But how will we do this? The world will hardly be accepting."

He smiles for the first time and my heart swells.

"It's just you and me tonight, Bella. The world can wait."

Carlisle wove a hand in my hair and laid me back on the bed, but this time he balanced himself above me, making sure not to hurt me. He lowered his face closer to mine and stopped a breath away from my lips.

"I've been waiting for this, Bella Swan."

I close my eyes and pull his head lower.

"Kiss me, Carlisle."

A moment of anticipation hovers thickly in the space between us before he lowers lips onto mine and we kiss as the moon shines and stars sparkle with a renewed fervor.

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	10. Affliction

**A/N: One word. WOW. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for being the inspiration I need to write. I love each and everyone of you! :) Keep the awesome feedback coming.

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Chapter Ten

Affliction

Once you're blinded by the onslaught of love, devotion and the feeling of pure bliss, it's hard to see anything beyond it. You're mind goes into a hazy blank and the only thing consuming you're head and heart is the one who makes you feel that way. A rush of emotion runs from the pit of your stomach to the fluttering of your heart and pumps through your veins consuming your very being. Attraction, affliction and affection. It's blinding and dangerous, like driving down a speeding highway with a blindfold on. Stupid, yes, but gives you a rush of bursting adrenaline.

The adrenaline spurred by his touch flows through me with vigor. It's like alcohol to an alcoholic; once you start, it's hard to stop, no matter how wrong it is. I can't stop. Not now, not when I need it like a drug.

He whispers that it's close to three a.m. and that he should leave. I pulled the front of the shirt closer to me and replaced his lips on mine.

"No," I said between kisses, "You're not going anywhere."

He didn't seem bothered.

Carlisle soon broke off the kiss to beam down at me. I wrapped my leg tighter around him. My eyes felt heavy and exhaustion ran through my bones thick and overpowering, but I was not going to sleep any time soon. Not when there was so much to say and do. I smiled back up at him, and he pulled me closer into his chest so my head could lean on his arm. We both stared up at the ceiling in our embrace and watched the shadows of streetlights and cars dance as they flowed in through the window.

I sighed contentedly. He placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"So… why did you try in the first place? To end it between us?" I whispered inquiringly in the darkness.

"Hm…" He let out a thoughtful breath, like he was measuring his words. "Well, I always try to do what's right. No matter how much I don't want to. I guess…I thought it was right, and I understood that I was weighing too much of my thoughts and actions around you than was appropriate. I was trying to be the bigger person. But I've realized…sometimes, you have to do what's wrong. You have to give in, and be a little bit bad. How else can you satisfy yourself?"

I smirked in the darkness. "And besides, you can tell how well separation meshed with the two of us. We were both a mess. You looked like hell, Carlisle."

He didn't chuckle. "I felt like hell. When I realized what being away from you did to me, how strongly it really did affect me; I knew I had been wrong. I came straight here to beg for your forgiveness. And I saw your red eyes and I knew you had been crying…it made me believe for a second that my heart was beating again, because Bella, it hurt me to see you like that. I felt _pain._"

I raised my hand and caressed his cheek, turning my head to see him fully.

"You're so much more than I deserve, Carlisle."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, Bella. You're the only thing that is worth more than the world to me. What I would do if I weren't with you now… I don't know. If you hadn't forgiven me…"

"Of course I would have forgiven you. As soon as you climbed through my window and I saw that heartbroken expression on your face, I knew this was right. That you and me…we were supposed to happen."

I nodded once firmly to add emphasis to my statement. Carlisle smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. I turned my head so his lips could instead meet with my own and I heard him laugh lightly as they collided and we were kissing again.

The night wore on and I fell in and out of sleep in Carlisle's arms. I would wake sporadically during the course of the night to make sure that he was still holding me, that it hadn't been a dream. He never left and my world felt full and bright. A new reverence was holding fort inside me; it was true happiness.

When morning came, I awoke to find my head resting on top of Carlisle's chest and my arm curled around his torso protectively. I stayed still in the silence for a minute as the slumber wore off, relishing in the quiet intensity of the moment and watching Carlisle from the corner of my eye, before yawning, making my consciousness aware, and repositioning myself beside him.

I opened my eyes tiredly to gaze at him and he gazed back with wide, bright eyes, free of sleep or tiredness. He looked like the Carlisle I knew and had grown to adore. The shadow of the man who had desperately climbed into my room last night was long gone, and he looked as though a breath of life had been blown through him. His hair lie flat against his head on the side he had been lying on and I reached out to fix it. Carlisle caught my hand in mid-air and intertwined his fingers through mine.

"Good morning, beautiful."

I smiled genuinely and giggled slightly at his hoarse voice, seeing as he had kept quiet for as long I had slept. I squeezed his hand in response. The fact that he had stayed with me through the whole night truly hit me then. Reality was a bother.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, feigning carelessness.

Carlisle sighed and looked at the clock. It was close to nine a.m.

"I _should_… but I don't think I will. I just want to stay with you, Bella. Just be this close and just stare at you all day."

He grinned sheepishly and I released my hand from his to wrap my arms around him and keep my body as close to his as possible.

"But what about work?"

"I'll call in sick."

He had responded without missing a beat, and we both knew now that there was no point in trying to find reasons for him to leave. We also knew that Carlisle could not ignore his responsibilities for long anyway, but today was all he needed to fill his need to some point of satisfaction. I gladly held him closer and he sighed.

But something was itching inside of me. Something I needed to say, though it would not make this any easier.

I whispered it quietly and ashamedly, but I knew he would hear it with perfect clarity anyway.

"And what will you tell…E-Esme?"

He stiffened. I looked up at him and he was staring fixedly at a point over my head. Carlisle did not say anything for a moment or two.

"I'll…just say something came up at work. Or…anything. I'll lie. Don't worry about that, Bella."

Though he told me not to worry, I knew Carlisle well enough to know that he himself was very worried. He tried not to show it. I rubbed my hand reassuringly against his back and then untangled myself from him to go to the bathroom.

I walked slowly to my door and I heard Carlisle stand up as well and he moved closer to the window. I turned around to look at him questioningly.

"I'll be back soon, Bella. I have to hunt."

His eyes were a pitch black and I could see dense shade sticking out abruptly against his pale skin clearly from across the room. He looked at me imploringly; I bit my lip and nodded.

Carlisle saw the apprehension on my face and sped to my side in a fraction of a second.

"I'll be quick. I promise I'll come straight back, Bella. There's no abandoning you now, it's not an option anymore."

He kissed me on the cheek and departed out the window, leaving only a rush of cold wind behind him.

I stayed unmoving in my spot for a moment as the curtain ruffled from his quick exit, and telling myself that he would be back in no time, walked sullenly to the bathroom.

I did not know how long it generally took a vampire to hunt, but as one full hour passed without his return, I began to grow anxious. I sat in my room, trying hard to concentrate on the novel I had open in front of me (which happened to be 'Interview With The Vampire'), but failed to do so dismally. I kept throwing glances out my window, hoping fruitlessly to see Carlisle speeding up the tree and into my room. Another half hour passed and I gave up any hope of reading past my current page and discarded the novel on my bed.

It was then that I began to pace.

Two hours. No Carlisle. My nerves were on a serious edge. I thought vampires were built for speed?

I sat perched on the windowsill, my face pressed against the glass. Surely, he'd be done by now…

Then suddenly, the phone began to ring shrilly, disrupting the quiet. I shot my hand out and fumbled with the receiver, before pulling it desperately to my ear.

"Hello?"

There was no answer. I could hear nervous breathing.

"Hello? Who is this?"

There was no reply for a solid fifteen seconds, and just as I sighed and moved to hang up the phone, they spoke.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I replied impatiently.

"It's…Jacob. Hey."

I was shocked. Jacob Black. The guy who was supposed to be ignoring me.

"Jake. Well…what do you want?"

I hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but I was annoyed. I had visited him for days trying to apologize, called numerous times, left voicemails _crying_, and now he calls me. He definitely took his sweet time.

"I just…I wanted to talk to you. About everything."

"You didn't exactly want to talk before. What caused the change of heart, then?"

He chuckled nervously. "Um…I guess I sort of missed my best friend."

I tried not to smile. As good as it felt to talk to Jacob, and not have him yelling at me, he still had put me through hell. I deserved some repentance from him.

"I missed you too. Only…you were kind of mean, Jake."

He laughed again. "Wolves have hot tempers, Bella. But I did sort of..._overreact._ I should have listened to your side. And…I'm really sorry."

"Jake-"

"No, let me finish. I really was a jerk. I was mean and I didn't mean it when I said you weren't my Bella. You still are. You're my best friend, and things must have been confusing enough without me leaving you alone to deal with it all. I'm sorry. Really."

I was silent. Could it be true that everything in this moment was utterly perfect? I had Carlisle, and now I had Jacob too.

"Oh, Jacob. I missed you. You know you mean the world to me, right? And, I'm sorry too. For not telling you about…Carlisle."

Jacob sighed heavily. "Yeah…what's up with that anyway? The last time I saw him, you were unbuttoning his shirt and a fraction away from kissing him. How did that happen?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated. Long story short…he means a lot to me. And I really care about him."

Jacob sighed again. "Bella, you always go with your instincts, just like you did with Edward, and I know Carlisle probably seems like the best thing in the world right now…but how is it ever going to work out? It obviously didn't work out so well with Edward…and he's not even married. Right now, I'm the only one that knows, but what are you going to do if Charlie, or one of the Cullens find out? How are you going to justify this?"

I groaned. Trust Jacob to snap me into reality.

"I don't know, Jake…we'll figure something out. We will. I know we can," I said anxiously.

"Hey…I'll be here if you need to talk." Jacob said soothingly, "I may not understand it in the least, you're still my best friend. I'm here to be your shoulder to cry on."

I chuckled. "Aw, Jake. You're the best-"

My window flung open behind me. I spun around, almost dropping the receiver, to see Carlisle speed anxiously towards me. He was soaked; it had clearly started raining again.

Carlisle pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly. It felt he was hugging me for the last time. And then I looked up into his face, and his black eyes met mine. He hadn't hunted. Instead of being filled with the familiar golden shade, they were wide and fearful. Something was wrong.

"Hey, Jake. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

I dropped the phone in my haste to hang up and pulled myself away from Carlisle to brace my hands on either of his arms. He looked at me with a destroyed expression and my stomach turned uneasily.

"Wh-what is it, Carlisle? What's wrong?"

He shook his head and pulled me back into his arms. He held me tight and strong…almost protectively. I couldn't think. What was going on?

"Bella," He whispered against my hair.

"What? What is it?" I felt frantic and scared. I didn't know why; something was really wrong for him to be acting this way.

He gulped and slowly exhaled, trying to calm down. "They called."

"Who? Who called?"

Carlisle held me tighter but didn't respond. I was very scared. Only his embrace kept me from shaking.

"Carlisle!" I called desperately, "What is it?"

Carlisle let me go slowly and looked down into my eyes. I held my breath while he gathered his words.

"It was Edward…Bella, they're coming back home."

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	11. Inevitable

**A/N: IM BAAACK! So very sorry for the loooong wait and i hope you wonderful readers can forgive me? Please? ENJOOOOOY :)  


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Chapter Eleven

Inevitable

The remnants of the day were a blur of anxiety and waiting. I wrapped my knotted hair between my knuckles and pulled, hoping against hope that this was all a dream. I just wanted to wake up and merge back into the familiarity of Carlisle and I, and having an endless amount of time together with only the worries of what lies to tell his wife and my father. But that familiarity was shattered with one phone call.

I sat in biology class barely aware of the ongoing ramblings of my teacher. He droned on as I gazed thoughtfully out the window lost in thought, as the empty chair beside grew more and more prominent. Soon he would back, sitting next to me. I counted the minutes in my head until class was over.

The bell rung and I sped out the door almost convincing myself Edward was already back and waiting for me by his shiny Volvo. He wasn't there. I quickly enclosed myself in the solidarity of my truck, grasping the wheel tightly as I drove.

I was not sure when they would be back. Carlisle had told me the news and then departed; whether to work, or to hunt, or home, I did not know. I had not seen him since yesterday and I was beginning to think I would not be alone with him again before the others were back. I hoped fiercely I could see him one last time…I knew I couldn't be with him the way I was now once Edward was back. My chest hurt at the thought.

Once Carlisle had left me in my room alone, I had worried and paced tirelessly. My head hurt with lack of sleep and I made the turn onto my driveway with a relieved sigh at the absence of Charlie's cruiser. I put my truck into park and heaved a breath, checking my street quickly for a silver Volvo before making my way inside.

The house was silent, as usual, and I trudged upstairs slowly. I reached the upper landing and my eyes zeroed ahead to see that my bedroom door was ajar. My breath caught and I froze. I had closed the door this morning, I remembered it clearly. Why was it open? Maybe Edward was waiting for me in my room? What if he was back? I wasn't ready for him yet…I needed to see Carlisle one last time. It was too soon. My head spun as I slowly walked to the door, each step shakier than the last.

What would I say if he was perched on my bed? How would I greet him? My cheeks burned in tension and I pushed the door open.

Carlisle turned to face me as the door creaked open. He stood near the window and looked as handsome as ever as I breathed a relieved sigh before my enveloping myself in his open arms. He held me tight and I buried my face in his shirt soaking up every last inch that was Carlisle. It may as well be the very last time I ever hold him. My eyes stung at the thought, but I pushed back the tears. I raised my head and captured his lips in a kiss. He kissed me for a moment before breaking apart and looking down at me sadly.

"I missed you today. Sorry I left so quickly yesterday. Esme needed me at home."

I nodded silently before resting my head on his chest again. Anything to avoid looking in his eyes. It would hurt too much when I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. Carlisle sensed my unease and held me closer, running his hand over my back in soothing circles. I closed my eyes and listened to the hollow sound of his chest. Nothing would feel like this. I felt so complete, yet so empty; knowing the one thing I wanted most was about to slip through my fingers.

As hard as I tried, a single tear fell and Carlisle seemed to hear it splash on the carpet. He lifted me easily and lay me on my bed, before settling beside me. He wiped my cheek of the offending tears.

"Oh, Bella. This is so hard. But it's the inevitable…we knew that. This day was bound to come."

I sniffed as my vision blurred again. "I know."

Carlisle sighed deeply. "The only thing we can do is to…to pretend this never happened."

I gasped quietly and turned my head to look at him. To stare with accusing eyes, that he would give up on us so easily. But as I caught his eyes, he looked as tormented as I. As much as it pained both of us to admit it, he was right. There was no way around this. He was Carlisle and Esme and I was Bella and Edward. It was finally time to escape this bubble and face the lives we had created for ourselves, as much as we didn't want to.

I lay back down with a huff and groaned. "Why? Why do we have to do what's right? Stay with me…we'll figure it out."

He chuckled humorlessly and turned over to drape an arm over me. "Bella, if only it was that simple. We've hurt them enough without revealing the truth to them. You and I both have responsibilities and decisions that we've made. We have to follow through."

He didn't understand. I didn't _want _to stay with him…I needed to. Something inside of me had latched onto Carlisle in a way it had never done with Edward. I needed him more than I needed oxygen. My world, my thoughts, my actions all revolved around him and the prospect of seeing him each day. I wouldn't know how to cope without Carlisle…he was something more than I ever hoped to encounter. I feared…I was in love with him. Only, to say that would cause an even deeper wound when he left. I bit my tongue and stared at him with pleading eyes.

"Please. Find a way."

His mouth fell into a grim line and he pulled my face towards his. He kissed me with a vigor I had never experienced and did not pull away until I was gasping for air. Carlisle pulled his lips off mine but kept them brushing against my cheek as I heaved for breath. He let out a long breath against my skin.

"I wish."

I was suddenly alone on the bed and I sat up to see Carlisle pulling the window open. He looked at me with a sadness in his eyes that was surely mirrored in mine as well.

"You have to go."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. This was it. He would leave through my window today and it would be the end. No happily ever after, just my memory and his to bear witness. My eyes felt tired and my head was spinning again. Carlisle watched me and reluctantly opened the window to its fullest.

"Yes. But Esme wants you to come to the house tonight. So that…so all of us can welcome them home."

I did not blink. I merely processed the invitation.

"Of course. I want to spend every possible minute with you, Carlisle."

He sped to me and placed a tender kiss on my cheek.

"See you tonight."

Then Carlisle Cullen flew out my window in a blur of speed, leaving only my thoughts and my sadness to keep me any company.

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Dresses would never suit me. No matter what color, what shape or what length, a dress would never look right on Bella Swan.

I examined myself in the mirror. The short black dress hung loosely on my body and my windswept hair looked dismal in comparison. I sighed. This was a party, no doubt, for every occasion at the Cullen house was a party and I needed to fit the part. I needed to blend in, seem normal, since real normalcy seemed to escape at any chance of greeting me. I had thrown my efforts into my looks for once, at any chance to distract myself from thinking about Carlisle and the impending doom of separation once Edward was back.

I ran a comb hastily through my hair. _Don't think about it. Don't think about it._

But as I drove to the familiar house in my truck, I could not help but think about what this night truly meant.

The moon shone full and bright and the evergreens swayed slightly in the light breeze. I drove with the window down, letting it cool my burning skin and flow through my open hair. Tonight was a celebration of homecoming for the Cullens, but for Carlisle and I it was nothing more than the eve of something terrible. We knew what we were getting into. We knew it could never end well and we knew that it could never last. So why, with all this knowledge, did it still hurt so much? How could we have prepared ourselves for something like this? I knew I would be forcing back the tears tonight.

I pulled into the driveway to see the front door draped in artistic lights and the banisters wrapped in silky ribbon. I sighed and slid out of the driver's seat, making my way to the house. The door was open, so I let myself in.

Esme and Rosalie were wrapping ribbons along the banister of the staircase and artfully dropping rose petals on the stairs. The house smelled still of freesia and the wooden floor was pristine, shining brightly. Esme looked up at my entrance and a huge smile graced her lips. I gulped back a lump in my throat. She walked over to me and engulfed me in her strong arms. Rosalie continued to work but nodded resolutely at me as a greeting.

"Oh, Bella! It's been too long since we've seen you! I'm so glad you came. You look divine."

I shrugged. Compared to Rosalie and herself, I wasn't much to look at. I opened my mouth to speak but another voice spoke right then.

"I agree, she does look lovely."

His voice drifted in from the kitchen and he walked into the front room with his hands in his pockets. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. Carlisle smiled lightly at me and I had to fight the urge to hug him right there. I settled on distracting my hands by playing with the skirt of my dress.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said quietly.

He turned to Esme. "Do you need help with anything?"

She shook her head and wrung her hands excitedly. I could not help but notice Carlisle's distant expression as he watched his wife.

"No, dear. Rosalie and I are just finishing up. They will be here soon, I think."

My stomach flipped uneasily. Carlisle nodded and leaned against a white wall. Only I could tell he was deep in thought and I could swear his hands had become fists in his pockets. Esme and Rosalie worked on, chattering in the background. I looked away. There was nothing I could do or say to reassure him that both of us would be okay. I did not believe it, but I wanted so much to calm him. Carlisle could not be broken; he was the strongest person I knew.

He caught my eye for one moment and he held his gaze, watching me with his golden eyes. I stared back as we silently conversed. _It'll be okay. We can find a way out. _

He nodded slightly as though he understood and broke his gaze to stare idly at the front door, as though the others were just coming up the driveway. I glanced back at the door as well. I chill ran up my spine. Esme gathered the extra ribbons in her hand and moved to put them away. Rosalie rested her elbow on the banister and I thought I could feel her gaze on me, but as I looked at her, she was gazing at the rose petals, rearranging them and placing them carefully along the stairs.

Esme asked Carlisle something in the background. I couldn't hear what it was. I merely stared at the door…waiting…

My stomach turned. I felt something rise in my throat. I felt like I was going to be sick.

I couldn't bring myself to believe that this was truly it. These few precious moments before they returned were all we had…the last of our freedom, the last of us. And here we stood, wasting it. Carlisle murmured something back to Esme and Rosalie glanced at the clock, anxious about her husband's return. She was dressed in a simple midnight blue dress, yet she was more gorgeous than any movie star. My stomach ached again as I read the clock as well.

8:24 p.m. Any time now…

The sick rose in my throat again and this time I could not hold it in. Without a word, I dashed to the bathroom, running as fast as I could, my hand clenching my stomach as it rolled.

I collapsed on the bathroom floor and heaved into the toilet, but nothing came. I breathed heavily as I heaved again but it was in vain. Nothing happened. I didn't vomit, yet my stomach seemed to be knotted into a tight ball, bursting with pain. I wrapped my arms around my middle, hoping for the pain to disappear. All of it. I rocked on the marble floor in a little ball and that's when the tears came. For once I did nothing to try and hold them back.

I cried and cried but I could not justify to myself what was happening. Maybe I had finally cracked.

A soft knock on the bathroom door halted my tears as I hurriedly began to wipe them.

"I-I'll just be a m-minute." I moved to get up.

"It's me."

His voice was small and quiet as he pushed the door open. His eyes fell upon me, broken and crying on the floor, and his face crumpled in pain. Carlisle closed the door behind him and walked over to me in two quick strides. He sat down and pulled me into his lap. I allowed myself to be pulled into the security of his arms and I held onto him for dear life. He kissed my ear.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He whispered to me softly.

"Carlisle…"

He had raised my chin and kissed me deeply. I immediately locked my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Carlisle stood us up and pushed me into the bathroom wall as he pressed himself closely against me, never breaking contact with my lips. He broke away and kissed my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids, anything he could reach. He knew as well as I, that this was our last chance. I brought his lips back to mine and kissed him fiercely.

He tasted of my tears and I wove my hands in his hair, breaking us apart for a moment. I looked into his clouded eyes and pink lips as he and I breathed heavily. My mind went blank. We stared at one another with no regret. What had happened had made us happy, and still did to this minute. I found myself stuttering, searching for words to tell him, anything to explain what I was feeling.

I breathed heavily. "Carlisle…"

He watched me gently. I ran a hand down the side of his cheek and he closed his eyes. It was then that it came, a sense of courage from within me. I spoke without thinking.

"I love you."

He opened his eyes abruptly and stared at me, his lips parted slightly. I waited for him to speak, an eager and self-reprimanding feeling filling every inch of my insides. Carlisle was thinking, and he was utterly silent for a moment.

"Bella-"

He was cut off in his words with a sudden shout from the front room. It was Esme. A dark feeling fell over my heart and Carlisle was shocked into silence once more from his wife's announcement.

"Carlisle, Bella! They're here!"

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	12. Charade

**A/N: Thanks again for the lovely input! Here's another for you wonderful people! :)**

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Chapter Twelve

Charade

I blinked once and he was gone. My arms felt as though he was still gripping them and the sudden absence made my skin crawl. I stood alone in the bathroom, shivering and trembling and feeling incredibly stupid.

Esme called my name again, they were coming up the road now, she said. She could hear the car.

The courage that had flared in me moments ago had disappeared as quickly as Carlisle had. I felt weak and most of all, scared. Edward was probably closing the distance between us this moment, and here I stood, flushed and shaking. I gathered the little wits I had, and stepped out into the hall, walking painfully to the front room once more.

Carlisle had his back to me, his arm placed casually around Esme. My head throbbed and I looked away, willing myself not to be sick on the clean floors. Rosalie had moved to stand beside Carlisle and Esme; she was wringing her hands excitedly, as her mother had minutes before. I stood to the side, separately and avoiding looking at anything but the front door. I could feel eyes on me, and I didn't have to look to know whose they were.

Even I could hear the car now and it did nothing to ease my nerves. If anything, my knees shook worse than before. I gripped the banister of the stairs to steady myself. My palms were sweaty though and my hand kept sliding. I licked my lips in impatience and I was horrified to realize they still tasted like _him. _I licked them again, hoping the taste would fade, hoping Edward would not realize.

I could hear their voices now. Alice was stepping out of the car and urging the others to hurry. Emmett's rumbling voice said something in reply but it was muffled. They all laughed. I could not hear Edward. Esme was positively bouncing in delight.

The sound of heels on pavement grew louder and I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling like I was about to explode from the anxiety. It was all too much. The doorknob turned once and a rush of air blew in, as it swung open. A pale leg stepped through the door and the hem of Alice's skirt became visible as her heel touched the floor.

Alice Cullen stood in the doorway, as magnificent as ever. She was dressed immaculately, her eyes a piercing golden, and she beamed as she caught sight of her family. It was too quick for my human eyes, but in a blur, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie and Alice were embracing. I watched with intruding eyes, shaking and trying not to move. They spoke with genuine, doting voices, welcoming her, and she telling them she missed their company. Alice kissed her sister on the cheek, and caught sight of me over Rosalie's shoulder. For a moment, she did not smile, nor react. She simply watched me with distant, cold eyes, and I gulped.

Then suddenly she smiled and purposefully glided over to me, enveloping me in her strong arms. Emmett walked into the room and I saw Rosalie rush over to him and kiss him passionately at the door. I closed my eyes, breathing in Alice's scent.

"Bella," She breathed in my ear, "I missed you so."

Something sounded different in her voice, and I took it as emotion.

"I missed you too, Alice. A lot."

She let me go and held me at an arm's length. "Good."

Alice smiled again before pecking my cheek and pulling my hand as she led me back to the rest of her family. Emmett put an arm around my shoulder and hugged me tightly. I laughed as his grip grew tighter and jokingly said he was suffocating me.

"Ah, Bella! Still the fragile human, I see! I thought for sure Esme or Carlisle would have turned you as soon as Edward left!"

He laughed boomingly, but I caught Carlisle's eyes in fear and then hurriedly looked away. Jasper traipsed in through the door then, carrying a duffel bag, and other round of welcoming started. I tried to melt into the commotion, merely whispering a 'welcome home' to Jasper as he walked by me. He smiled genuinely at me as he hugged Rosalie.

It was that moment that it occurred to me there was one missing. One left to walk through the door and change everything. I turned slowly to face the door again just as his shadow slowly ascended up the front steps. I kept my eyes wide and waiting. He walked leisurely and my patience was wearing thin. Hadn't he already kept me waiting enough?

Edward stepped through the door and stood in the doorframe, watching the welcoming party with an odd smirk. My cheeks heated at the sight of him and I grasped the closest chair for my knees were shaky again. His eyes, also piercing and golden, roved over the scene with a twinkle and the warm lights of the chandelier bathed him in a glow that struck his copper hair beautifully. He was gazing at his family, and he did not seem to see me.

Emmett was watching me with a confused expression, clearly wondering why I hadn't launched myself at Edward, as Rosalie had done to him. Alice watched with wise eyes as well, though her face was emotionless and expectant. I slowly broke through the crowd of Cullens and ever so gradually walked to Edward.

He finally looked at me. The familiar golden eyes fell on me and he waited at the door for me to walk to him. I braved a loving face as I gazed at him and Edward's smirk slowly faded into a small smile. He reached a hand out towards me and I took it, placing my palm on his and curling my fingers around it. Edward pulled me close and weaved an arm around my waist. We were posed as if we were about to waltz, and I noticed the family had fallen quiet, watching us.

Edward smiled again, now showing his brilliantly white teeth.

"Well, hello. I haven't seen you in a while."

I forced a smile. Edward's eyebrows contracted for a second as though he had caught my charade. I pulled him closer.

"I…I missed you, Edward. Very much."

He seemed convinced. I sighed quietly in relief and in my moment of hesitation, Edward had leaned down and was reaching for my lips with his own. I tried not to be surprised but once he touched my lips and kissed me, a shock cracked through me of unfamiliarity. His kiss was a contrast to Carlisle's. His had been soft, loving, while Edward's was dominant and severe. I kissed him back for a moment before casually pulling away and breaking our hold.

My eyes unconsciously flickered to Carlisle. While the rest of the family pretended not to be watching us, he openly stared at me. I wanted to say something to him, tell him it was an act and that it meant nothing. But I could not console him now. Carlisle shook his head fractionally as if to clear his mind, and turned back to the others, idly joining in the conversation.

Edward had come up behind me. He laced an arm around my shoulders and held me close to his side. While he had been away, he had been distant and cold, never calling me or speaking to me and briefly doing so when he did. Now that he was back, he seemed to hover by my side constantly. I did not understand it.

"I know you don't like festivities, Bella. How about we go for a walk outside?"

I was watching Carlisle speak to the others. He laughed at something Alice said and then attempted to console an embarrassed Jasper, who was looking at the carpet fixedly. Alice's eyes seemed to flit to me quickly and then back to others around her, but it was so fast I may have imagined it. I nodded absently in reply to Edward.

He led me outside and I breathed the fresh air in greedily. I felt as though I had been in the house forever, slowly suffocating under the pressure and my current predicament. We walked in silence, with only the sounds of the leaves and grass crunching under our feet. I stared ahead distantly, counting streetlights and Edward was watching me, I could feel it. He was struggling with something to say. I turned my head to look at him.

"Bella, are you angry with me?"

The question had caught me off guard. Was I?

Yes. At least I was in the beginning of his absence, before I had Carlisle to help me forget him. I was annoyed, yes, at the fact he had left me, then isolated me leaving me with only brief descriptions of where he was heading. I had cared immensely, yes. But now…I felt oddly detached from it, the anger, and him. Once I had needed him desperately, pathetically, now he seemed like a picture from my past. I shrugged unhelpfully.

"Not really."

"Not _really_?"

I shrugged again and looked ahead again as we walked. "I was in the beginning. Sort of angry and sad that you had left me again. But then, when you didn't call…or that one time you did, you were so distant and I felt like I was a burden to you. Do you realize that you never once said you missed me? Or that you loved me? Or…that you hadn't _forgotten _me?"

I hadn't meant to get so worked up. Staying cool and indifferent had been the key, and now I'd let him in too far. I bit on my lip so I couldn't say anything. We walked on, Edward processing what I had said. I tried to imagine I was walking with Carlisle. It almost worked until he spoke again.

"Bella…I'm sorry. I was so busy. I…didn't realize…"

Anger flared in me and I worked to curb it. I could not deal with this right now, when I had a much more important matter on my hands.

"You didn't realize that I might have needed you? Okay. Fine. But what had you so busy that you couldn't call just to talk? Didn't you _want _to?"

Edward sighed and clutched my hand.

"I told you before we left. We were in Denali."

Something in the far depths of mind, buried under the recent memories stirred. Edward had briefly mentioned going to Denali a few days before they left. I had been so upset about him leaving that I had not pressed for details. Now, I wondered. Why exactly were they in Alaska?

"Denali," I repeated blandly, "What were you doing in Denali?"

"They…had a problem with a newborn in the area. They had asked us to come help. They're our friends, so we helped them. That's it."

I looked at Edward. He stared up at the sky as he told his story, avoiding looking at me. Something didn't seem right.

"So the Denalis couldn't have handled the newborn themselves? They needed four other vampires?"

Edward's head snapped to look at me. For a second it looked as though he was angry. "Yes. They did."

I broke his gaze hastily and looked in the other direction, sensing there was something he was not telling me. We walked on in an odd silence. It was getting colder out and I shivered slightly. In a fraction of a second, Edward's coat was draped over my shoulders. I whispered thanks as I reveled in the warm material.

We continued at a leisurely pace, absorbing the night around us. Edward sighed. He grasped my shoulder and stopped me, before turning me to face him.

He looked upset about something. The cool wind of the night whipped around my legs and I clutched the jacket around me tighter.

"Bella, I'm sorry. For leaving, and being so…distant. But I'm here now, you're with me. We're together and I love you more than anything. So, let's be…whatever we were before this. Let's go back to that."

The hope shined in his eyes and I stared back apathetically. We can't go back now. Not when so much has happened, so much that he will never know. I suddenly wished I was with Carlisle. He would understand, he always understands. But Edward is the one standing beneath the streetlight before me, the glow of the light creating an orange halo around him.

There is nothing for me to say because I can't tell him the truth; that we will never be what we were before. My heart used to beat fast and hard for him, and now the speed is slow and I feel nothing towards him. There is nothing to say.

So I nod. It's the only thing I can do, being backed up into this heavy emotional corner by him.

He engulfs me in his arms and kisses me. I kiss him back only half-heartedly. Edward does not notice. He pulls away and smiles, resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you, Bella. Now we can be everything and more. Just you and me."

I nod my head again slowly and the image of Carlisle comes floating to the front of my mind. I close my eyes and see only him, Carlisle and me. I sigh happily.

"Yes," I sighed, "Just you and me."

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	13. Truth

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, guys! I had some real trouble writing this chapter, i hope it's not too obvious. I'm so tired right now, and i hope i'm making sense! :) ENJOY

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Chapter Thirteen

Truth

Withdrawal is not an easy concept.

It's like being hooked to an addictive drug, supplied to you readily and whenever you desired it, and then being cut off completely. For a while, you're just in a daze, confused and slowly deteriorating, and then the impact of true abandonment hits you fast and hard and you fall from grace. My personal withdrawal from the one thing I needed most was slowly taking a toll on me.

Each night I tried furiously to stay awake. I would tell Edward that he could not stay with me for some reason or other, and then sit up in my bed and wait patiently, my hand running over my 'Wuthering Heights' novel and my eyes gazing blearily out the window. I waited, and waited. He never came. Something inside of me always knew he wouldn't, but it felt pointless if I didn't hope.

Edward was growing slowly suspicious of my detachment and asked me again if he had done something wrong.

I looked at him from over the blank page of my biology notebook and put a finger to my lips as if to shush him. _The teacher is giving a lesson. Besides, I don't really want to deal with you right now. _

He turned his head back to the teacher but his eyes burned slightly in frustration. I sighed gratefully at the fact he couldn't read my mind. My gaze fell back onto the empty notebook page where I feigned taking notes. Empty, empty, empty. That's all there was now; emptiness.

I wondered endlessly when I could see him again. I could hurt myself and visit him at the hospital, but Edward would indefinitely go with me. I could drop by the house at any given time, but the six other vampires living there would be an obstacle. I knew I had dug this hole for myself, me and him both, but even in knowing I had plotted my demise, I hadn't prepared myself for this. I could only wonder how he was feeling, and I hoped it wasn't half as miserable as I felt.

I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye. I most definitely had my share of secrets, but I could not help but feel that Edward was keeping something from me as well. There was a strain in our relationship that I could hardly blame completely on myself. There were times Edward would begin to say something and then cut off, brooding in silence for hours at a time. He was constantly lost in thought and he seemed…changed. Something about his trip to Denali had changed him, and I could not think what it could be.

The bell rung and I quickly gathered my things as Edward waited, his eyes fixed out the window behind me. I pitched my bag over my shoulder and noted that his eyes were glassy and distant, clearly lost in thoughts I had no perception of.

"Let's go."

My sharp, brief words cut him out of his reverie and he nodded distractedly, leading the way out the classroom door. I followed slowly as he led the way to his car.

We drove in silence and I gazed out the window, at a loss of anything to say. We stopped at a red light and Edward spoke for the first time.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

I looked at him. "No. Why don't we go to your house?"

He shrugged indifferently. "Sure."

Edward drove on, tensed and shifty, going much slower than his usual heart stopping pace. Something told me he was dawdling for a reason. His lip twitched, as if he was about to speak and then had decided not to. His brow furrowed.

"Are you okay?" I asked tentatively.

Edward seemed to snap out of his train of thought and looked at me as if he had only realized I was there. "Yeah, why?"

I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. I broke his gaze and stared moodily out the windshield. "I don't know, you seem…stressed. Or tense."

"I'm not. I'm fine."

I shifted in my seat to turn away from Edward because, quite frankly there was something he wanted to say and he wasn't saying it, and these frequent bouts of surliness were wearing on me. The drive continued in silence until we pulled into the Cullen driveway. I threw the door open and tailed Edward to the door, hoping madly that the others were there and that it wouldn't just be the two of us.

We walked in to a full house and I breathed in relief. The others greeted us collectively and I scanned the room quickly for any sign of Carlisle. It was a weekday. He was working. I knew that, but my heart fell nevertheless. I scanned the room once more in false hope and my frantic eyes settled on Alice, who seemed to be looking straight at me. I smiled nervously and she flitted over to the two of us.

She hugged me briefly before whispering something to Edward so fast and low that I could not comprehend. Edward did not say anything in reply to her but merely looked at her defiantly and coldly. He turned his head and caught my eyes, before reaching for my hand.

"Let's go upstairs, Bella."

With a cold parting look at Alice, he led me up the stairs and straight into his room. I did not speak until the door was closed, though I knew the vampires downstairs would hear us either way.

"What was that about?" I asked nonchalantly, grazing my fingertips along the spines of his books as he looked angrily out the glass wall.

"Nothing. Alice…she just meddles. Makes things more complicated than they should be."

"How so?" Edward's shoulders stayed tensed but the reflection of his face in the glass was indifferent and collected.

"It doesn't matter. It's over now. What's done is done."

I did not understand what he meant, but I did not pry either, because I knew that there was nothing more Edward would tell me. He turned around and a ray of rare sun filtered through the clouds and into the room from the window, throwing the bedroom into more spectacular definition. I looked at my shoes and awkwardly avoided Edward's eyes. I heard him sigh.

"What happened to us?"

I clenched my eyes shut. "What do you mean?"

"Bella," I opened my eyes. Edward was standing right beside me, resting a hand on the side my face. I hadn't heard him walk over to me and flinched at the cool contact. "You know perfectly well what I mean. Something's…different."

He searched my face and I attempted not to blush under the proximity of our closeness. "What is?"

Edward contemplated something for a moment, and then closed in eyes in defeat and stepped away from me. "I don't know, Bella. It's you…it's me."

He was on the other side of the room now, standing poised by the door. "I'll be back in a minute. Alice's thoughts are driving me insane." I nodded absently and Edward slowly walked out the door, shutting it behind him. I thought I heard him sigh again.

I turned back to face the room. The sunlight bathed it in a warm hue and the cds and books gave the room an antique atmosphere. It was beautiful. Papers littered every shelf and I moved about the room, absorbing Edward's possessions from a time when things were simpler. Soft music danced out of the radio and I felt at ease for once in a long time.

My eyes fell onto the duffel bag I had seen Jasper carry the night they had returned. It was overturned, clearly haven fallen off a shelf and onto the carpet. I walked to it and leaned down to pick up the bag, intending to place it back wherever it belonged, but as I clutched the fabric of the duffel, a long piece of red fabric fell out of the open bag and onto the floor. It flitted down onto the carpet and I stared at it in wonderment.

It had gracefully strewn itself onto the carpet in a mangled mess and I got on my knees beside it, reaching out to touch the luxurious fabric. Where had this odd blood red fabric come into Edward's possession? I traced my fingers over it, the silky velvet seemed oddly familiar and the vivid color sparked a notion in my memories. Where had this come from?

I stared at it with wide eyes and continued to trace my fingers over each crease, bedazzled by the cloth. Why did it feel and look so familiar? Had I seen this cloth once before?

I closed my eyes in thought and contemplation, and as if my memory had been waiting for the chance, the answer came floating to the front of my mind in a blur.

A sea of red…a sea of people. I was panting, running the fastest I could, pushing through the sea of red, anxiously glancing at the clock tower. One minute. I glimpsed frantically at the base of the tower and saw a shirtless, pale figure in the shadows, preparing to glide into the sunlight. I yelled for him to wait, to stop because death would overtake him should he set foot into the light. The red was blinding, cloaks and cloaks and fabric of blood red. I ran to him, and pummeled against his hard chest into his waiting arms. I was alive, I told him, we were okay.

Two men in black cloaks had appeared behind us. They gazed at us scornfully and told us to come with them. They handed Edward a red cloak to wear. A blood red cloak made of luxurious fabric…

My eyes snapped open and I dropped the cloak as if it had burned me. Volterra. I had seen the fabric in an endless sea at Volterra. The Volturi guards had given Edward a red cloak and we had walked into the lair of Aro, Caius and Marcus, of the Volturi.

I watched the fabric fall from my hands onto the floor again in a panic. How did it get here? Why was it in this duffel bag, hastily stuffed out of sight? My heart thumped loudly in the empty room. Footsteps were climbing the stairs, I could hear them, and it was not one set of feet but two. I was frozen and anxiously running over explanations in my head. The fabric had fallen at my feet and now it looked like a pool of blood, extending from my toes and stretching over the carpet.

The door opened, and the figure froze. I heard a small gasp escape Alice's lips and Edward froze with his fixed on the cloak.

"Where did you find that?" He snapped, before angrily coming up beside me.

"It was in that bag. On the floor," I replied mechanically.

He picked it up and rolled it into a ball, hastily pulling it out of my view. I gazed at him confused.

"Where did that come from?"

Edward turned his back to me. He was breathing hard, looking at Alice who watched him coldly. She nodded her head minutely, as if to say 'deal with it'. I heard him growl at her unhelpfulness before replying evenly, "I don't know."

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief and marched in front of him, pulling the fabric out of his hands and piercing him with my stare.

"You don't know? Tell me where this came from, Edward. And explain why it was in the bag you brought back with you."

His eyes narrowed slightly as he attempted to yank the cloak out my fingers, ripping it slightly in his haste. "Denali. I brought it back from Denali. It belonged to Eleazar, he gave it to me. Simple as that. It's a souvenir, a gift."

He was spitting the words at me in anger, as though I had asked much more from him than a simple explanation. Edward's shoulders were rigid and his fingers crushed the cloth between his hands nervously. The word 'Denali' fell out of his mouth and I was shocked to hear the practiced tone he recited it with. He was lying, of that much I was sure.

"Denali? That's odd, for some reason I remember running through an ocean of this fabric when I ran to save your life. It was in Italy. I remember the day clearly Edward, and I remember this cloak. You wore one exactly like this, when we walked to our demise. To the Volturi."

He flinched at my last word and his golden eyes were round with worry that I had extracted such an explanation. Edward's eyes moved frantically over my face and he inched away from the cloth in my hands as though it would burn him at the slightest touch. The reflection of the red fabric was clear in his eyes. He glanced over his shoulder to Alice, who was rigid and fuming in the doorway. Edward turned his head slowly to look at me again.

My breathing had picked up and my heart raced against my ribs. Something told me I had guessed right. This cloth was from Volterra. I had a sudden urge to burn it.

Alice glided over to the two of us. Edward avoided my eyes and stared blankly in mid-air, at a loss for words. I turned my frenzied eyes to Alice, who placed a small hand on Edward's shoulder and pushed him behind her in a protective gesture, as if I would hurt him.

"Bella," She said soothingly, "Give me the cloak."

She reached her other hand out for the cloth, but I held it against me forcefully. "Not until I get some answers. Tell me where this came from."

She dropped her hand and sighed. Her usually hospitable eyes burned me as if I was some sort of enemy. The tension burned densely between us.

"We had to go. I needed to know. I had to choose."

Edward had spoken softly from behind his sister. He looked at me imploringly.

"What do you mean?" I spoke fast and low, afraid for what answer I would receive.

Alice quieted Edward with a look and turned back to me. She gazed at the cloth in my shaking hands and bit her lip thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" I asked again forcefully.

She looked up and a small breath escaped between her lips. "We weren't in Denali, Bella."

Though I had already figured this, it came as a shock no doubt. Alice wandered to the other side of the room, muttering to herself and putting distance between the three of us. Edward stepped closer to me and I inched back slightly. I was afraid to let him get close, afraid of the truth. The cloth finally broke free of my grasp and fell to the floor. Edward caught it swiftly by his fingertips and draped the fabric over his arm, staring at it.

"Where were you?" I asked in a small voice. I didn't want to know, the truth would hurt, I was sure of it. But I had to know. I needed the closure.

Edward closed his eyes shut and forced the words out between his teeth.

"We were in Italy…with the Volturi."

Something inside of me cracked and shattered. They couldn't have…they wouldn't. But the painful reality of the truth was plastered on Edward's apprehensive face and Alice's clenched jaw. The Volturi. Italy. Volterra. They all formed one awful picture in my mind. Death. I shuddered uncontrollably and as Edward's arm moved to comfort me, I visibly stepped back from him hugging my arms around myself.

"Wh-why?" I asked shakily.

Edward's arm shook in repressed emotion as he pulled it back to his side. His jaw shook as he answered.

"They…gave me an offer. They wanted me to join them."

My chest panged with pain and breathing was becoming more and more difficult. Edward had gone to Italy to possibly join the Volturi and hadn't told me any of it. There was a new companion for the emptiness I felt; betrayal.

"You…lied to me."

His brow creased. "Bella-"

"You lied. You went to the V-Volturi and didn't tell me."

Edward grabbed his hair and pulled. He was frantic, rambling anything to get me to listen.

"I didn't…they…I shouldn't…they wanted Alice too!"

He pointed at Alice behind him, who snapped her head up to meet my gaze with wide eyes. I felt utterly sick and the room swayed before my eyes. Edward was placing his hands on my shoulders bracing me.

"Please, Bella. Please."

"No." I jumped out of his grasp. "You lied. Both of you. I can't even…"

I threw my disbelieving gaze at Alice. She stared back defiantly and surprisingly her shocked expression faded into one of anger. Alice had never looked at me with such contempt. I backed up again, now fully focusing on Alice. Edward turned to follow my gaze and watched Alice as well. Her mouth was curled back in fury and her eyes blazed angrily.

"How can you speak of dishonesty?" She spoke low and menacingly. Her tone induced a shiver up my spine.

"How can you call us liars, when we only hid you from the truth to protect you? You, who have dealt in nothing but lies since the moment we left?"

I didn't know what she was talking about. Her small stature was poised in rage, her spine tense and her arms rigid. Her fingers twitched, a trickle of anger slowly making itself known.

"You know exactly what I mean, Bella. How could you not?"

Suddenly, it hit me. No…she couldn't know, she couldn't. Alice registered my comprehension.

"Ah, yes. You see now, Bella. You see I what I know, what I've known since the beginning."

I was struggling for any words to deter her. Anything to keep her from uttering the truth. It was silent throughout the whole house. They were listening.

"But-"

"What?" She said angrily, raising her softly menacing voice a little higher. "How could I _possibly_ know? How _could_ I see that?"

She chuckled humorlessly. "I've seen it, Bella. I've seen _everything._"

No. No. No.

Alice sneered at me. "I'd hoped you would come to your senses. Stop and just think for one damn second who you would be hurting. But no. The two of you were too damn selfish."

She hissed and Edward looked between us frantically. "What? What are you talking about?"

Alice faced him and a cruel smile formed on her lips.

"Tell him, Bella. Tell everyone. Tell them your secret. Go on."

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak.

Alice scoffed. "Explain, Bella."

I did not speak.

She turned back to me. "Fine. If you're incapable, I'm sure Carlisle will be happy to enlighten us."

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	14. Blaze

**A/N: i am super super sorry to keep you all in the dark so long! but i really hope this chapter can make up for it :) if you are craving a little more Carlisle before i update again, check out my new oneshot called "Savior"! THANKS LOADS and enjoooy! :)

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Chapter Fourteen

Blaze

People all around me moved and spoke; they spoke about me, aware of the impending doom that was inevitably coming. Their voices pounded into my skull and my head throbbed with each footstep. I walked blindly to the end of everything. Alice had placed a cold hand on my shoulder and was guiding me to the front room. I moved slowly, nothing was making sense.

Edward was speaking to me.

"What's going on, Bella? What does Carlisle have to do with anything?"

He was throwing questions at me as though I would answer them. I could not look at him, let alone speak to him. My throat had closed itself from forming words. It had also closed to prevent me from vomiting. For that I was grateful.

The expanse of the glass of the front room came into view, and the dark clouds set an ominous lighting into the pristine room. The dim, foreboding darkness filtered in through the window and settled over the faces of everyone in the room. For once in the long time I had known them, the Cullens looked as frightening as the vampires they were.

They were watching us. Each vampire had a creased worry pasted on their faces and a lingering confusion. Emmett stepped forward.

"Alice, Edward, what's going on?"

Of course they had heard everything. My knees felt weak and unstable under me, and Alice lifted her hand off my arm. She danced forward towards the four other vampires and flitted past Emmett, ignoring him completely. I watched with frightful eyes as she stopped in front of Esme.

"Where is Carlisle, Esme?"

Esme looked at Alice as though she was seeing her for the first time. Her golden eyes were wide and scared as they grazed over Alice's face. Her mouth parted slightly as she collected her words, and when she spoke her voice was shaky.

"You…you were in Volterra?"

Alice sighed irritably. "Yes, we were. Edward and I were offered positions on the guard. Emmett and Jasper came with us to speak to them. Now, where is Carlisle?"

Esme's chest heaved with shocked breaths. She didn't hasten to answer her, but her gaze lifted off Alice and settled on Edward, then Emmett. Her mouth formed words she couldn't say and her eyes fell back to the carpet in shock. I heard Rosalie scoff. Alice rolled her eyes and walked back to me.

"Well, I'm sure Carlisle is in his study. If you'll excuse me, I think I should go and get him."

She gave me a significant look before walking painfully slow out of the room. My head was spinning. Each vampire in the room was looking at me. Emmett's brow was creased in confusion and Rosalie's lips were pursed angrily, as though she had expected that this chaos would stem from me. Edward's eyes were boring into me, but I refused to meet his stare. I heard him hiss.

"Bella," He said through clenched teeth, "What is this all about?"

He would find out soon enough, I realized. The room was painfully quiet and the tense silence pressed onto me heavily. Esme was still breathing hard. I didn't have the strength to panic. I didn't have the audacity to imagine the reaction. Not yet. I'd have to deal with reality in a matter of minutes, seconds maybe. I tried to gather words in my head, an explanation, but nothing came. It was a blank.

I saw Jasper's eyes lift to the entrance of the room. I couldn't look. His eyes followed the entrants as they made their way into the room. Alice stood beside me, her eyes blazed as they reproachfully watched her father walk to stand beside Esme.

My eyes finally settled upon him.

Carlisle looked tense. His shoulders were rigid. His face was thrown partially into shadow from the lack of lighting and from what I could see, his features was set and his jaw was clenched. His eyes were pitch black, a perfect reflection of what was to come. He looked at me for a fleeting second and we locked gazes before he hastily concentrated on Alice. The gesture did not go unmissed. Alice growled.

"What is it, Alice?"

His voice was calm. The control he worked so hard to master did not give way. Though his eyes burned and he was rigid, his voice did not betray him.

All eyes were on Alice. "Why don't you tell us, Carlisle?"

Esme looked up at him, the previous hurt and shock still had not left her eyes. Carlisle did not glance at her, his eyes stayed fixed on Alice.

"What do you mean?" He sounded curious, almost indifferent. But I could sense the panic hidden under his layers of calm.

"Tell us," She said walking slowly towards him, "What happened exactly after we left for Volterra."

Carlisle's eyes widened slightly. "Volterra?"

He looked at Edward for a contradiction. Edward did not deny his sister's words; he did not say a thing. I stood so close to him, I could tell he was not breathing. Carlisle looked back to Alice in shock.

"Why were you in Volterra?" His voice reflected a hint of anger.

Alice ignored him. "What happened after we left?" She pressed more forcefully now, she too was getting angry. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. I had hoped this nightmare would disappear.

Carlisle processed her question. He seemed confused for a moment, and then it seemed something dawned on him. His eyes immediately looked back to me. I nodded my head minutely, confirming that Alice knew everything. Carlisle slowly looked at Alice again. He did not say anything.

Beside me Edward gasped quietly. As Carlisle relived in his mind what had happened between us, Edward had seen just as clearly what we had tried so hard to hide. He moved his head slowly to look at me.

"No."

His eyes went wide as he glanced at Carlisle and then back at me.

"No, no, no."

Esme spoke up. "What? What is it? Carlisle?"

"Edward-" Carlisle started towards us but Edward stepped back, anger and betrayal burning in his eyes.

Esme took Carlisle's arm and spun him around to face her. "Carlisle, what's happened?"

Carlisle could not bear to look into her face. He pulled his arm out of her grasp and averted his eyes to Edward again. I did not look at anyone. I watched the clouds grow steadily darker outside as the tension around me grew thicker and thicker.

Alice stepped in front of Edward, blocking Carlisle's view of him, forcing him to look at her. She looked straight into his eyes as she spoke.

"Esme, Carlisle has lied to you. He's lied to his whole family. Carlisle is keeping a secret from us."

Esme was frantic. "Secret? Carlisle, what does she mean?"

But Carlisle was looking at Alice with disbelieving eyes. It seemed his eyes had grown steadily darker as the skies outside. He did not speak.

"Bella could tell us, though I'm sure, like Carlisle, she would not find words to tell you."

I think I made a fearful noise at the mention of my name. If I did, I was not acknowledged. A terrible smile grew over Alice's beautiful face.

"Carlisle and Bella have been indulging in one another's company while we've been gone. I saw the terrible reality of the situation when I had a vision of their first kiss, and the many to come after that."

The melodic words that had fallen from Alice's mouth hung in the air like slow-acting venom. Edward had fallen out of my peripheral vision and I could not see him, though I felt his burning presence somewhere near. Esme had frozen as though only a vampire could, still, unbreathing. Carlisle watched Alice with the same disbelieving look in his eyes. I could not bear to look at anyone else. I could not bear to see whether their accusing stares were directed at Carlisle or me.

I heard the front door open. A rush of cool wind lifted the ends of my hair. Edward was gone.

There was silence. Then a small voice spoke up.

"Tell me that's not true, Carlisle."

Esme was watching the front door swing shut with empty eyes. Her lip quivered. Carlisle breathed deeply before looking away from Alice. He turned to Esme.

"I would be lying."

His voice was hoarse like he had not spoken for years. Esme's neck snapped to appraise him. Her eyes hardened at the sight of him, as though everything she had once loved about him was turning foul under her gaze. Her body was stock-still, she was not breathing.

"What's one more? One more little lie?" Her voice was low, on the verge of breaking. "You've no problem lying to me otherwise. Why not just one more? To spare my feelings?"

Alice stepped back, melting into Jasper's side, as though she was merely watching a show. As though she had not started this. I could not believe her, she had been my best friend.

Esme and Carlisle were standing inches apart in the center of the room. The other vampires stood off to the sides, and I gripped the couch, unable to move myself out of everyone's view.

Carlisle said nothing. Esme glared at him, anger and hurt radiating off her in waves. I had never seen her this way.

"But…why?" Her anger did not penetrate her voice. It was purely hurt that shone through her words.

Carlisle looked towards me. His answering words were directed only to me.

"Because I love her."

My heart seemed to swell at his words, through the layers of panic that muffled it. I wanted to smile, to reassure him that I felt the same way as he; that we would get out of this somehow. Esme's biting voice cut through our gaze.

"Love her? You can't possibly…"

Carlisle turned his back to me and faced the others. "I do. I care for Bella very much. She means absolutely everything to me. And if everything is _this_," He paused to glance disdainfully at Alice, "then I am willing to lose it all for her."

A loud silence followed his words. Rosalie folded her arms across her chest and glared only at me. I could feel her hate for me heating my cheeks. Carlisle walked to stand to next to me, but Esme shot out her hand in a fast movement that escaped my eyes and gripped his arm.

"Everything!" She screamed, "Your family, your wife, yourself! You'd lose it all for her!"

Carlisle shook her hand off his arm. "Yes, I would. I don't care what I have to give up. None of it means anything if I'm not with Bella."

Esme stepped back abruptly. She gazed at Carlisle absently, deflating from her angry outburst, lost for words. Then, slowly, her head turned to look at me. Her eyes burned with a fierce contempt that I had never seen on Esme's face before. She looked uncharacteristically hateful, her eyes smoldered in malice. It seemed she had forgotten about Carlisle as she stepped towards me.

She did not say anything. Esme advanced slowly, angrily.

I found my voice. "Esme, please-"

It all happened extraordinarily fast.

Esme hissed and threw herself at me, much like Jasper had done on my last birthday. Without a second's hesitation Carlisle flew in front of me and then we were soaring out the back door. I found myself clutching to Carlisle's neck as he ran faster than I had ever seen a vampire run. We were flying away from the house; away from the glass building I had considered my second home.

The fog was thick and dense and gave us some cover as Carlisle ran us into the garage. His black Mercedes was already running and he put me into the passenger seat before speeding to the driver's side. With a loud screeching of tires we pulled sickeningly fast out of the garage and onto the large expanse of road ahead of us.

I closed my eyes and buckled myself in, controlling my breathing. Carlisle was weaving between cars, going faster still, his face was set into to a hard expression. His eyes flickered to the rearview mirror continuously and he did not relax. I looked out the window, but the trees and road were all but a blur.

Carlisle checked the rearview mirror again before quickly flitting his eyes back to the road. I turned in my seat to glance out the back window, but there were no cars or people even close to matching our speed. Carlisle pushed the gas further down anyway, and I cringed at the thought of what our speed was.

I pulled my eyes off the back window but something in the backseat caught my eye. A black bag sat on the seat, hastily zipped, and I recognized the sleeve of one of my sweaters falling out the side. That was my bag, I realized, and in it must be my clothing and possessions. I turned to Carlisle, but he already knew what I was thinking.

"I knew something like this would happen. So I decided to be ready and have a few of your belongings, if the two of us had to escape. Bella, I want this. I want you. I don't know about you, but I am willing to give up everything for us."

He stared intensely at the road ahead, though no cars were in sight. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him.

"Carlisle. I want this. I want this so much."

He smiled. I kissed his cheek and he drove faster still.

It was then that it occurred to me that I had no idea where we were going.

"Carlisle, where exactly are we going to go? They'll find us eventually."

A firm smile spread over his lips. He had this planned as well.

"Bella," He asked, "Where is the one place we can go where Alice won't see us?"

I gulped. Suddenly, I knew exactly what he meant.

"As long as we're around the werewolves, and it doesn't matter exactly where, we are virtually invisible to her. Alice will not be able to see us at all."

I nodded and looked back to the road slowly becoming more and more familiar. With a shaky voice I confirmed my own suspicion.

"We're going to La Push."

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	15. Selfless

**A/N: OKAY OKAY OKAY I know even a million sorry's can't make you forgive me for abandoning this story for so long. But, in my defense, we just finished with the craziness of exams and starting a new semester, so now im a little bit less busy with school and such. BUT STILL, not an excuse, I know! SORRY! :(**

**I want to thank StormDragonfly for helping me with this chapter a little and giving me advice and her lovely input. And thank you to my wonderful friend PenningPassions for bothering me until i finished the chapter! Love you guys! Enjoy!

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Chapter Fifteen

Selfless

The scorching hot hand pressed firmer around my wrist as he pulled me into the shelter of the trees. There was a deep, creased line embedded across his forehead and his face shone with a frightful sweat. For a moment, as we stood hidden behind the immense tree, he struggled with words.

Then he sighed forcefully.

"Bella, how could you bring him here? If the pack finds him here in La Push, he'll have no choice but to fight off some severely pissed off wolves! Five against one aren't great odds, even for a vampire."

I wrapped my hands around both of Jacob's wrists, breaking his grasp on me, and shook him hard.

"Jacob, please, listen to me. There's no place else we can go. We need to be where Alice won't see us, somewhere they can't come near us. They know, Jake, they know. The Cullens found out and we barely made away from the house as it is. We need a place to hide…until we figure this out. Help us, Jake, please."

Jacob glanced behind his shoulder as though he had heard something and then pulled me deeper into the thicket, bending low to whisper by my ear.

"How did they find out?"

His voice was strained, as though he was having an inner battle on whether to help his friend or keep his loyalty to the pack. I peered in his eyes hopefully, silently begging him to help us. I didn't know how much time we had to waste. The Cullens could have followed us here for all we know, or the wolves may be listening in from a nearby tree. I gulped hard.

"It was Alice. She knew the whole time. She only exposed us when I found out that the four of them had lied to everyone, and had been in Italy with the Volturi on their trip. They were planning to join them…I still can't believe it. Oh god, Jacob, hide us, please."

Jacob made a fearful noise and buried his face in his hands. His thumbs prodded at his temples.

"Okay, okay. Say… I help you and give the two of you a place to hide. How am I going to keep the pack off his scent? Right now he's standing by his car, near the edge of the trees, and I can smell him as though he was right beside me. And the minute I phase, the pack will be able to know my thoughts and will sure as hell set off to find him."

I glanced back towards the direction Jacob pulled me through and sighed. My horrible headache was dancing on the edge of unbearable and my throat was closing up.

"Jacob…" I said softly, "Please. Help us."

The warmth of Jake's skin and the close proximity in which we stood was causing me to sweat harder than I already was. His hand pulled at mine and I looked back to him.

Jacob sighed. "Of course I'll help you, Bells. I'm just trying to figure out _how._"

Relief swept through me and out in a breath of gratitude.

"Oh, thank you, Jake!"

He smirked lightly at my attention but I could still see the underlying tension on his features.

"Sure, sure. Let's go and do this quick."

I nodded and grasped his hand tightly as he pulled me back through the trees and out onto the dirt driveway leading to his house. The storm clouds roiled above us; they never seemed to disappear. The flagrant Mercedes stood black and still, idling as Carlisle stood waiting for our return. His head turned at our footsteps and I unwound my hand from Jacob's, jogging over to meet him.

He caught me in his arms as I ran to him breathless.

"Jake says he'll help. It'll be difficult, but he'll help."

Carlisle nodded and looked over my head at Jacob, who stood awkwardly watching us. His voice melted with gratitude.

"Thank you, Jacob. I understand the position we've put you in and it's extremely selfless of you to help us."

Jacob shrugged and rubbed his toe in the dirt, refusing to make certain eye contact with Carlisle.

"It's not selfless. It's what friends do."

Carlisle smiled lightly and opened his mouth to remark but evidently thought otherwise and merely watched Jacob politely. Then the seriousness retook his eyes. He wrapped a cold arm around me and held me close to his side protectively. "How shall we do this?"

Jacob was all business again, straightening up and peering at the surrounding forest. I could see his breaths coming raggedly but his face betrayed no anxiety. Carlisle's Mercedes hummed in the background and he reached through the open window and slid the keys out of the ignition. Jacob watched him unfalteringly before pulling his eyes to me.

"The pack is patrolling the forest right about now. Hopefully they'll be too deep in to catch his scent, but either way we'll have to be careful. It's a huge risk, merely relying on hope, but the wolves are keen; if they stray anywhere near us, they'll know."

I nodded firmly and cast a nervous look behind me into the immense thicket of trees and bush.

"I'll get you there fast. But we can't be certain that this will work. If they see or smell us, take her and _run._ I'll deal with it from there."

Jacob was speaking to Carlisle now and though I could tell it took him a great effort, he locked gazes with him resolutely to ensure my safety. Carlisle nodded once and as if to emphasize his point, pulled me even closer to him. Jacob turned to the forest and watched the trees for a minute, evidently listening for any noise from his pack brothers. Once he was certain they were not near, he motioned for us to follow him on the dirt path leading behind his home.

He pointed ahead as we walked on the path. "A little way into the forest behind the garage, is a small clearing where you'll see an even smaller wooden house. You can't miss it. It isn't anything special but we don't use it, so I guess you'll be relatively safe there. When you get inside, lock the door and pull the curtains tight over the window. I'll be there to fill you in when everything is sorted out."

Jacob stopped walking and signaled us to go on.

"Go," He said, "Get outta here so I can do my job and keep you safe."

I looked back at him and I could see the plain worry on his face. He knew we wouldn't get away with this; the wolves were too attuned to the scent of vampires not to notice. Yet still, he was risking everything simply because I had asked. My mouth went dry.

"Jacob-"

"Don't start." He cut me off lightly, "Just go."

I gripped Carlisle's hand tightly as he began to lead me down the path Jacob had indicated. I had a growing pain in my stomach, getting worse with each step, because like Jacob, I knew this was most likely going to fail and rip apart not only the Cullens, but the pack as well.

Two torn families, all my fault.

I was walking robotically, the sinking feeling in my stomach getting heavier, when Jacob spoke again. His voice sounded farther away than I thought it would be.

"Hey, Doc!" He called.

Carlisle turned to look at Jacob.

"Mind throwing me the keys to your car? A Mercedes in my driveway is a little conspicuous, don't you think?"

He laughed lightly before throwing the keys into Jacob's awaiting hands to fast for me to see. I then heard Jacob's running footsteps to the driveway slowly fade as we walked on. Carlisle was breathing evenly, but he did not say anything. He was worried, like Jacob, like me. I wanted nothing more than to promise him this would work. I pressed my lips firmly together, trying hard not to lie.

The trees were lined neatly around the small clearing as though they had purposefully been arranged in their neat circle. The clearing was bare, no grass, no rocks, except for the wooden building in the center. It looked much like Jacob's house, but smaller and in obvious need of repair. The brick-red paint was peeling off the sides of the house and the window frames were rusty. I released Carlisle's hand and walked to the door of the house, running my nails against the weathered wood.

"Jacob never mentioned this before. I wonder what it is?"

I gazed transfixed at the house, trying to figure out why exactly it was here. I noticed a small carving of a wolf above the doorframe, etched into the wood and my eyebrows pulled together. What was this?

Carlisle cleared his throat uncertainly. "Perhaps…we should go inside?"

I had forgotten that Carlisle was obviously not as comfortable in the forests of La Push as I was. I strode back to his side and took his hand again reassuringly. "Let's go."

We stepped over the threshold and Carlisle flicked the light on, illuminating the room in a yellowish glow. Well, at least Jacob had been right when he had said it was small.

The room we were standing in seemed to be the only one in the house. It was quaint, and though dusty and forgotten, I knew it had once been beautiful. The walls were covered with canvases of paintings, each one using the same color combination: reds, yellows, oranges and greens. They gave the room a warm feeling, and I could tell by the style of each painting they had only one artist.

I walked slowly to the nearest canvas in which a woman was holding a small baby in her arms. I looked closely to see that they were both tanned with the exact same shade of russet skin and her black hair was pulled loosely into a bun at the nape of her neck. Her feminine lips curved at the corners to form a small smile. I knew who the baby was upon my first glance at him, and it was then that I realized Jacob Black had inherited his eyes from his mother.

In the corner of the canvas, hidden from view by shawl of the woman, was a small, scrawled 'S. Black'.

"Did Jacob ever mention his mother was an artist?"

Carlisle had come up behind me, watching the painting with inquisitive eyes.

"No," I croaked, "He doesn't really talk about her."

"I see," He murmured.

I realized why Jacob had not come to his mother's painting studio. It would have been too hard on him; to walk in and meet the eyes of his mother when he was obviously not ready to face her just yet. I was grateful he had not, such emotional pain would've been hard to bear, especially in front of an audience. The painting was suddenly doused in faint darkness.

I pulled my eyes away from the painting to see Carlisle pulling the curtain over the only window. Beside him, leaning against a wooden stool was a wooden easel engraved again with Jacob's mother's name. Carlisle caught my eye and walked back to my side, pulling me onto the daybed in the center of the room.

"I'm sure he had his reasons for not telling you, Bella. I'm guessing that he just wasn't ready."

"I know," I whispered, "I just wish I could've been the one to help him through his pain… like he did for me."

Carlisle pulled me into his chest, allowing me to lay my head against it.

"Jacob isn't like you, Bella. He's strong-willed and he's very independent. He probably is too stubborn to become that vulnerable, even if it's only with you. Besides, you _do _run around with vampires all day. Perhaps he didn't want you to accidentally share something so personal with his mortal enemies."

I looked into Carlisle's sincere eyes. "I guess you're right. He'll have to explain it now soon enough."

Carlisle nodded then sighed again, placing his cool arms around me in what I knew was a protective gesture. I also knew what he was thinking because it was the exact thing on my mind as well.

"Speaking of vampires…" I said slowly.

"I don't know, Bella." Carlisle sighed in response to my remark. "I thought I knew how they would react if they ever found out, but I never imagined anything like this. I never accounted for Alice though I should've known…Edward, I don't even know what's happened to him…and Esme, she-"

"Don't," I said softly, "Don't blame yourself for this mess. If I was a good, little human I would have never gotten involved with a bunch of vampires in the first place. But I attract trouble and care for some people in a way that I really shouldn't. It is exactly fifty percent my fault, Carlisle, if not more."

His chest shook in a silent chuckle.

"Probably true,"

I laughed quietly along with him at my expense. I was glad to see the smile back on his face, the constant worry was beginning to scare me. I knew I too would have to be worried about this at some point. I just never usually realized it until the last moment when it would hit me much too hard, and by then it was too late for worry.

I eyed the hand Carlisle had draped across the front of my shoulders holding me close to him. The paleness of his skin was abrupt against my shirt. I weaved my fingers between his and sighed.

Then I noticed something.

The metal bump I usually felt against my fingers when I held his left hand was gone. I gazed at his hand again sharply, holding my breath when I realized what was missing.

"Carlisle…your wedding ring?"

Carlisle's arm stiffened ever so slightly, but he covered the movement by squeezing my hand lightly.

"I…didn't feel right about wearing it. I've destroyed Esme…and I'm sure I am nothing short of despicable in her eyes. And besides, it was a farce. I was wearing it as a pledge of my love to her…what was I to do when that pledge no longer applied?"

Carlisle had given up everything. My sacrifices for him were nothing in comparison. I measured my words carefully.

"I see."

He brought his hand out of my grasp and sight and settled it in my hair, pulling his fingers through it slowly.

"I'm sorry if it overwhelms you. I didn't tell you I had taken it off because I thought…it might _scare _you. That you might think something like, I was ready for marriage-like commitment with you right away. It's not like that, Bella, really. I just didn't want to wear a lie right in sight for everyone to see. It's no pressure to you. I didn't take this wedding ring off to make room for another."

I absorbed his words for a silent minute. Carlisle took my thinking as apprehension.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Don't take it the wrong way. I just wanted to try and show you that you were the only one for me now, with no one else in the way."

I twisted my body around to face him and pressed a finger to his lips.

"Stop explaining yourself, Carlisle. I don't feel overwhelmed or pressured or anything. The fact that you took it off…it just makes me care for you a lot more. The only thing I really feel is…confused, I guess."

He wrapped his hand around my finger and lowered it from his lips. "Confused? Why?"

"Because…I don't really think I deserve you, that's all. You give up too much for me. Like Esme said: your life, your family, your marriage…everything. And it's too much…because I don't feel like I deserve it at all. This…_selflessness_."

I pushed myself off his chest and settled on the other side of the couch. I ran a hand through my hair and concentrated on keeping my head from spinning so fast.

"You do." Carlisle said softly.

I breathed slowly. The spinning colors were getting better. My feet seemed stable enough to stand, so I lifted myself off the couch and padded away from the couch. A bright painting of a reddish-brown wolf caught my eye and I walked to it. Some of the paint had tried with texture and I touched the tips of my fingers to the wolf's nose.

I finally was able to talk again.

"I have done nothing to deserve anything good. Everytime I have anything good, I always ruin it."

Carlisle still sat on the couch. I appreciated that he had not followed me; that he had sensed I needed some distance.

"You can't ruin me. Because even through the worst I always manage to stay whole. And I always stay by what I care for."

"I don't understand it." I mumbled. "What is it about me that makes you feel so strongly? So…unwaveringly?"

I turned to see his face when he answered. I had needed to know this for a long time now. Why should someone who has everything, give it all up for someone completely unremarkable? My own attraction to Carlisle was something easily understandable. His compassion, his words, his selflessness…they all made sense to me. Him, with his need of redemption for a life he did not choose, working tirelessly to gain some credit for trying to be something more than himself.

I loved him for it. The way he spoke, his voice filled always with optimism and hope. The look in his eyes when he fulfilled his need to be a better person. And I was reminded of his sacrifices everyday when I saw his gold eyes. He tried so hard _not _be advantageous about his vampiric nature…instead, he hunted animals so as not to hurt humans. Humans like me.

I waited for Carlisle to speak. It surprised me when a wide grin graced his lips.

"I don't suppose you know this…but I was very much attracted to you the day we met. Do you remember it?"

I thought back. It was the day Tyler had almost killed me with his huge van. Of course I remembered.

"The hospital…after the van almost crushed me."

Carlisle nodded. I walked back to the couch and sat down with him again, same as before. I lay my head against his chest and urged him to go on.

"Well, I knew you before I'd even met you. Edward…had told me about you. I was meeting the infamous Bella Swan that day, you know. I saw the file of the accident and immediately requested to take care of you because I had a need to see you, meet you, to find out what was so…fascinating about you."

"I don't think you remember much of it, being dazed as you were and confused about how Edward had saved you, but what I remember is walking away from you completely fascinated. It was odd…I had never thought of anyone but Esme as truly beautiful in that sense before."

I scoffed. "Beautiful?"

Carlisle smiled lightly and traced a finger along my jaw. "I know you don't see it, Bella, but you really are. More beautiful than many of the vampires I've ever seen."

I tried not to blush, but my face heated anyway. Carlisle continued.

"Well, soon enough, it became obvious Edward was very attracted to you, so I was careful never to think of you that way again. It was hard not to. You had accepted the Cullen family of vampires so easily, without a single judgment nor any fear. I was honored and impressed of your fearlessness and open-mindedness. You were so gracious, so tolerant."

"Then of course, your birthday came around and even after Jasper tried to kill you, you were still there and still understanding. I was completely staggered. Any other human would take her life and run away from us, but you stayed. Your fearlessness in near-death situations is very beautiful."

Carlisle laughed lightly and so did I.

"Then, as I'm sure you remember, we talked that night as I stitched your arm. It was hard for me, Bella, being attracted to you and being so close. But I knew could not have you, so I forced my well-practiced self-control. It was so easy to talk to you. No strain at all, it was natural; as easy as talking to someone I had known for years. I found that I had little to hide from you…my views on God, my history. And I found that you were genuine with me. Your unwavering belief that I could not be damned…it made me think. How can one person change so much of the way I see things?"

I swallowed to help clear my dry throat. "You were attracted to me then?"

Carlisle sighed. "Yes. And it was very hard, Bella. Harder than resisting human blood. You were very hard to control myself around."

"How so?" I inquired quietly.

"There were things about you, Bella. Your quirks, I guess you would say. Most people would think you were crazy for accepting vampires so easily, but it makes me love you even more. Your willingness to save others from pain, to give chances to those you probably shouldn't. It all makes you unique. And besides, you having no coordination skills is also kind of cute."

I whacked him lightly on the arm. Carlisle only wrapped it closer around me.

"So you see Bella, I am completely in love with you. And I am sorry, because nothing will ever change that."

I knew this. I hoped he knew that there was no apprehension on my side either.

Carlisle's voice was a little softer now. "I saved Esme with the intention of marrying her. I met you with no intentions and nothing to prepare me for this. But, you _feel _different to me. You feel like you fit with me, in a way Esme never did beyond physical attraction. You understand me and accept me…and I feel like I know you from the inside out. The way your mind works, Bella, it's hard to get…but I feel like I do."

I could not say anything to compare to his words. Everything he said was reciprocated one hundred percent in my mind and heart.

I sighed. "We fit together."

I moved myself closer to him and pressed my lips against his jaw. Carlisle wrapped an arm around my waist and my own curled over his chest. Through the curtains I could see the glow of a sunset beginning and I knew that this night I would be safe because of the arms that locked around me, holding me close, protecting me from the world, the darkness.

About the morning, however, I was not so certain.

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	16. Friction

**A/N: Update!!! :) And within a week too! I am amazing myself... ;P Please keep up the great feedback, i love to read it!

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Chapter Sixteen

Friction

I was awoken to the bright, streaming morning light and a hard thumping against the inside of my skull, frantic and booming. My brain rattled at each thump and my already bleary morning vision shook annoyingly at the impact. I glanced around the room, trying to find the source of the booming, aching pain in my skull and my back felt stiff and cold as I stretched.

Thump, thump, thump.

The thumping noise again. I flinched at the sound, turning in my position to see my handsome makeshift mattress, Carlisle. He raised an eyebrow at me and lifted himself easily from behind me, setting my back lightly against the armrest and removed himself off the daybed. I rubbed my eyes hastily, trying to clear my vision. He walked gracefully to the door and listened quietly for a moment, before slowly pulling it open.

Jacob's lanky frame filled the doorway, his arm poised to bang on the door again. He dropped it hastily to his side and gazed warily at Carlisle, who smiled pleasantly at him.

"Good morning, Jacob," He greeted. Jacob huffed uncomfortably before muttering a greeting back as he slid past Carlisle and into the room. I noticed his eyes consciously avoiding the hanging paintings as he made his way to me.

"Hey Jake," I said tiredly, letting a full yawn pass before I spoke again. "Don't have to break down the door, you know. You could just knock."

There was noticeable annoyance in my voice, but Jacob smiled at my chastising tone.

"Sure, sure." He laughed and tossed a package into my lap, "Breakfast. Thought you might be hungry."

At the mention of food, my stomach growled excitedly. Jacob laughed again, shaking his head and then looked at Carlisle awkwardly.

"Sorry, didn't have any extra blood."

Carlisle chuckled and seated himself close to me as I ate the sandwich Jacob had brought me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek in greeting. I felt my cheeks heat. Last night's conversation was definitely not forgotten in my mind, and I was sure it was a similar case for his. The coolness of his skin felt nice against my own and I moved myself closer to him.

Jacob cleared his throat quietly and I looked up at my best friend's embarrassed face. He watched us analytically, as though he was still trying to make sense of what could possibly have brought us together.

I decided then was a good time to change the subject.

"So Jacob," I said, swallowing the food in my mouth, "What news?"

Jake sighed and ran a hand through his mussed hair. "You mean before or after Charlie called looking for you in a panic?"

I stopped chewing. Charlie. I'd forgotten about him.

"Shoot!"

Jacob smiled lightly. "It's alright. I told him you were staying over at my house. He wasn't happy that you hadn't told him, but seemed to let it go pretty easily when I reminded him of the game on last night."

I chuckled in relief. Typical Charlie.

"What else? What's new with…the pack?"

This was what I had been dreading. I felt Carlisle stiffen suddenly at my words and my immediate reaction was to hold some part of him. His hand was closest. I entwined my fingers around it.

Jacob watched the gesture uncomfortably but said nothing. He closed his eyes in thought and then sighed. "Well, they've definitely picked up on the scent."

I glanced at Carlisle's face frightened. His jaw was tense.

"Do we need to leave?" He asked calmly. I could sense the bubbling fear under his voice.

Jacob shook his head. "They don't actually suspect _you_ at all."

I was confused. "What?"

"Well, the pack hasn't wandered this way at all. They can sense the scent in the air around here, but it's much stronger by the borderline. That's where they've been patrolling."

Carlisle's brow furrowed, confused as well. "Borderline? We haven't been there at all. How could-"

"Again," Jacob breathed, "Not suspecting _you _at all."

I seemed to be the only one not understanding. Something flickered on Carlisle's face and then it went completely smooth in a fraction of a second. He was calm, but much too calm. I looked from him to Jacob, searching for the clue I was missing.

"Who?" Carlisle said quietly.

Jacob sighed heavily and said in a resigned voice, "Guess."

Carlisle nodded in unspoken understanding and closed his eyes and then opened them again, seeming to inwardly calm himself with the blink. I still did not understand…

Jacob looked at the confusion on my face and then looked back to Carlisle as though asking him who should tell me. I did not look up, but Carlisle seemed to have motioned to Jacob, and Jake bit his lip for a minute in thought before looking at me again.

"As I said before… the pack noticed a vampire scent in the air, but it smelled more concentrated, newer on the border between our territory and the Cullen's." Jacob looked at Carlisle again before refocusing on me. I shuddered slightly at the last word, still shaken from our near escape. Carlisle rubbed his hand along my arm, reassuring, creating a cool friction.

"They've assumed that the scent is from the same vampire that leads to here, so they've decided not to investigate and to focus on the border to keep the vampire out. The problem, as you probably know, is that you have been nowhere near the forest border. That only means-"

"Someone else." I said abruptly. "Another vampire is trying to get into La Push."

Jacob nodded. Of course someone had figured out where we were. There was no way a vampire was trying to get into La Push coincidentally. It was because of us. I gulped fearfully.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll keep you safe. _We'll _keep you safe." Carlisle promised quietly in my ear. I nodded blankly.

A few things were falling into place in my head. I could see Jacob's mouth saying something to me offhandedly but I was stringing a few things together, a buzzing filling my ears. The only thing that made sense. The only person vengeful enough to do it. The only one we had no location on.

"It was Edward, wasn't it?"

My own voice sounded small and scared to my ears, but inside I was fuming, courageous.

I knew as soon as Jacob hesitated, I was right.

He finally nodded.

"Embry saw him. He was making his rounds as usual when he caught the scent and chased him back to the border. But he was _fast. _Even Embry acknowledged that. And he knew he would be back. Of course, he would be back."

Jacob looked carefully at my distant gaze, afraid he'd scared me. He backtracked. "But the pack's been there since. There's no way he's getting into La Push."

I nodded, locking gazes with Jacob, trying to prove I wasn't scared. Jacob's face softened anyway, melting into reassurance. Then he looked to Carlisle again.

"But they have no idea why he's trying to get in. They're furious he'd break the treaty. But we know why he's here. Even with the pack watching, I'm not sure they could stop him if he _really _wanted in."

Carlisle nodded stiffly. "I know. I know Edward. He'll be determined."

I found my voice again. "To what? Determined to do what? Kill us?"

Carlisle shook his head slowly but did not deny my questions. "I don't know…but if I know one thing about him, is that he'll be absolutely furious. Animalistic."

Jacob chuckled humorlessly. "Good thing I'm a wolf, then."

I did not smile. I did not nod. Frozen ice was building a thick blockage in my rib cage. It was hard to breathe evenly. As Carlisle and Jacob talked, I worked to control myself. Slowly, it thawed, but never melted completely. I breathed shakily as I caught the end of Jacob's sentence.

"…thought he saw him again this morning, but we can't be sure. Whatever it was that Sam saw was too fast."

Carlisle nodded. "We can deter him, but he'll never be satisfied until he gets to us. To do what exactly…I'm not sure. But I can't let him hurt Bella, I won't."

Jacob's face remained strained, though I could tell he heard the true unadulterated love for me in Carlisle's words. He knew he could trust Carlisle with me, that he would do anything to keep me safe. I knew this as well, and I wished that somehow I could protect _him_; to have that strength and ability.

Then Jacob sighed wearily and pulled himself to his feet. "I should go and see what's up with the pack. Maybe the bloodsucker made a repeat performance."

My heart stopped. "Jacob…"

Jacob smiled nonchalantly, sensing my worries. "We'll be fine. If he comes anywhere from a mile from you, I'll take care of him in a second."

I felt Carlisle's become rigid at Jacob's words but he did not comment.

"I know you will…that's what worries me."

Jacob shook his head. "Don't worry. You'll give yourself wrinkles." He walked to the door and paused, his hand on the knob. "I'll be back in a bit to fill you in on anything new. See ya."

He swung the door open easily and I heard him jump off the steps with human agility before the replacing sound of the soft padding of paws against earth. Jacob ran from the house swiftly, clearly eager to leave the tense room and forgotten memories of his mother.

I waited a moment for him to be completely out of earshot before turning to Carlisle.

"What's wrong?"

It took a moment for Carlisle's eyes to focus on me. "I didn't expect Edward to be so angry. Upset, yes, but the anger is unexpected."

"I expected it." I said quietly. Carlisle was still stiff. I brushed a hand against his arm, sensing there was more.

"What else?"

Carlisle had locked his gaze on a distant object, clearly worried, clearly fearful for my safety.

"He's still my son."

I understood right away. Carlisle's compassion for his son could not be broken through this.

"I still care for him as always. And what he's doing…it's reckless. The wolves would jump to destroy him; grasp at any excuse to hurt our family. As though it hasn't been hurt enough…"

"I know," I sighed, "But Edward will stop at nothing to get to us. Even if it means taking care of the wolves…and Jacob."

I feared for the wolves, for Jacob, with a pounding ache. Edward would be too furious to think rationally before hurting someone to get to us. The wolves would be just as keen to hurt him, and the pack could easily destroy one vampire.

I was worried for both; my ex-lover and my best friend.

I encircled my arms around Carlisle's neck and held him close because I could protect no one else but him this very moment. I vowed to myself that I could not let anything happen to this man. The gravity keeping me to the ground, the only magnetism keeping me grounded. With every force I had within me, as long as Carlisle was with me, I would protect him.

I promised.

Carlisle's arms fell upon my waist, holding me as well. He was still tense, still fearful for his son and for me.

It suddenly occurred to me how easy it would have been if I had not fallen for Carlisle. There would be no fear, no anger, no vengeance, no torn families. Everything would be as it always was. I would love Edward unconditionally and he would tell me I was the only reason for his existence. He would never lie to me and I would never think of anyone else. We would be the only one in each other's dazzled eyes.

But reality was so much different, so much harder but so much more worth it. I could not bring myself to imagine the future without Carlisle. He was so deeply incorporated into it now, weaved throughout every strand of my being.

Would have been easier, yes, but I knew it was not as valuable as what I had now.

I also knew that every rule was broken now anyway, and I was way past the point of no return.

Yet somehow, I didn't care about the rules, I did not care about what was supposed to be right. I didn't want to go back to what I was; he was everything to me now.

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Sleep was an unavoidable necessity of human life and as Carlisle and I stayed hidden in the house, I drifted in and out of slumber as the day progressed. We had not heard from Jacob since, but all in the forest seemed reasonably calm. At least, that was what Carlisle had told me.

"I would hear anything worrisome, Bella. Don't stress yourself out."

I had nodded and continued to doze against his chest as he held me to him, deep in thought. Once I had had my fill of sleep, we talked.

"So, what was it like?" I whispered curiously, "The transformation? And don't hide anything from me, I _want_ to know."

Carlisle deliberated for a moment before deciding to tell me the truth.

"Absolutely unbearable. Writhing agony for days. Of course, it was probably much worse for me because I awoke from the pain not knowing anything. There was no one to tell me what I was and why I craved to kill so immensely."

I shuddered. "It still amazes me how much it will hurt. I hope I'm strong enough."

Carlisle pulled a piece of my hair. "You're so sure you want this…have you really thought it through? Living for eternity, damned by your own nature to kill?"

I sighed. "Damned for eternity won't be so bad if it's with you."

Carlisle chuckled humorlessly. "Bella, Bella. There's more to-"

He stopped mid-sentence. A sharp intake of breath. He sat up in a blur of speed and pulled me gently with him. He raced to the door, throwing it open as Jacob came running inside.

I gasped as Jacob slammed the door and looked at Carlisle, then me, with a look of pure fear. He did not speak, but the look in his dark, anxious eyes spoke thousands. I knew what had happened. I had been waiting for the urgency, waiting for the time we were forced to escape. Carlisle knew it too.

"Who?" He asked, a little breathlessly.

"Wolves. They know there's a vampire here," Jacob said frantically, "They know and they're ready to hunt. They think it's Edward."

Carlisle was beside me in a fast blur and he grasped my arm. Jacob threw a frenzied glance over his shoulder, out the window. They were not here yet, we had seconds, maybe.

"You promised me you'd take care of her." Jacob said threateningly, "Now make good on that promise and _run_."

I did not have a chance to say goodbye to Jacob because the familiar, tugging sensation in the pit of my stomach told me we were flying again. Green, green, brown. The trees flew past my legible sight and I buried my face in Carlisle's hair, not wanting to watch, not wanting to know if we were being followed. I heard no sound of pursuit but I was waiting anxiously for the sound of paws behind us.

We delved deeper into the thicket but I could not fathom the idea that we had escaped. I was never that lucky.

As I expected, fast running footsteps were soon behind us. Carlisle pushed himself sickeningly faster but the pursuer was just as fast, possibly faster. I knew that this was no wolf.

The light, nimble footsteps chased us without break and as fast as we seemed to fly, our pursuit never slowed and our chaser was gaining. There was no panting breath as I had come to expect from the wolves and no thudding of paws.

The wind burned my eyes and they were teary from the scratchy air, but with enormous effort, I turned my head slightly to catch sight of our enemy.

I saw only a glimpse of deadly bronze-colored hair before I profusely began to pray.

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Review? ;)**


	17. Choices

**A/N: Sadly enough, I can feel this story slowly coming to its end. There will probably be one, _maybe _two more chapters left and then DONE! It's sad to think how long i've worked on it and how quickly it's finishing! :( But when one door closes, another opens! Which brings me to my next question: I have an idea for another chaptered fic I might do, but as of right now, I'm not sure if it should be Jasper/Bella or another Carlisle/Bella? If you want to give your input, leave it in your review! :) Thank you readers! YOU'RE THE BEST!

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Chapter Seventeen

Choices

My nails dug into Carlisle's shoulders and though he did not dare look back, I knew he realized it was Edward. He also knew we were indefinitely trapped. As fast as he excelled, as hard as I prayed, Edward was too fast, too determined. I knew as well as Carlisle did that we were absolutely, undeniably trapped.

My stomach rolled as I felt Carlisle's feet slow beneath me, not out of fatigue but out of defeat. There was no outrunning Edward; the only thing Carlisle could do now was attempt to talk to him, to face this head-on. I did not like slowing down; when we ran at least there was a chance to escape. By becoming stationary, we were only giving Edward an easier victory.

Carlisle sensed my worry and laid a soft, reassuring touch upon my hand. There were no words for comfort now, he was as fearful as I.

For a moment, there was nothing. Carlisle had stopped beside a particularly large tree and dropped me on my feet in front of it, placing himself ahead of both the tree and myself protectively. I felt like I was being sandwiched, suffocated, and I gulped greedily for air. I did not see Edward for a long moment and I foolishly wondered if I had just imagined him.

Then, I saw him.

Edward lithely stepped out from behind another tree, his golden eyes burning. From all the times he had compared himself to a lion, now truly was the only moment when I agreed. I could almost see his anger burning. He was half-crouched, as if ready to spring on his prey, his lip slowly curling back. If all had not been silent except for my panicky breath, I would not have heard the low growl escape his lips.

Carlisle backed himself closer to me, protecting me, slowly crouching as well. Edward blinked once, slowly, deliberately. His eyes watched Carlisle, as if planning ways to get around him, to get closer to me. I latched my fingers onto Carlisle's arm, wanting to feel as though I was protecting him, as he was me. Edward did nothing though he watched my hand now, my fingers curling around Carlisle's arm.

Time moved slowly. My heart raced. Carlisle was still, Edward even more so.

Carlisle's gentle voice shattered the silence.

"Edward. Son." He pleaded.

Edward's eyes blazed maniacally and with a feral growl, he launched himself at us.

I squeezed my tired eyes shut, waiting for the impact, for it all to become real. But Carlisle no longer stood before me and as I opened my panicked eyes again, I saw Carlisle, with a thunderous force, as he collided with Edward, pulling him down.

Edward's body hit the ground heavily, before the two were on their feet once more in an action too fast for my eyes. Carlisle was crouched in front of me again and Edward's jaw was set, his feet moving slowly as he advanced towards us.

I could barely recognize him through the intense rage that destroyed his face. It was hard to remember laughing, loving Edward through the anger, the hatred. I could not speak and I did not dare move.

Carlisle was standing before Edward, his palms open and his face sincere. "Edward, please. Don't do anything you will regret."

I gulped hard. Edward seemed undeterred as he threw himself at me again ferociously. And again, Carlisle was too fast, blocking me and grasping Edward. He placed his hands on either of Edward's shoulders, pushing him against a tree, shaking him slightly. There was blind hate in Edward's face, his eyes cloudy with rage. There was nothing but pure anger and vengeance.

Carlisle tried again. "Edward, stop. Think."

For a second I expected him to throw Carlisle off and continue to fight, but ever so slowly, his eyes became clear, the golden flames retracting. His hard mouth dropped into a soft frown and the utmost pain creased his forehead. He dropped his resisting arms against his sides. There was a painful noise coming from within his chest as he hung his head tiredly.

Carlisle sensed Edward's retraction and lifted his restraining hands softly off his son's shoulders, stepping back and watching him. I watched them both with fear. Edward could easily be bluffing and there Carlisle was, with his guard down, unprotected, vulnerable. The feeling came back to my feet and I straightened up, carefully walking to Carlisle's side.

Edward was so still, his breathing so heavy.

I placed a hand on Carlisle's shoulder.

"Carlisle…" I whispered.

He pushed me slightly behind him, not forcing me back but not leaving me unprotected either. He watched Edward with patient, waiting eyes.

Edward lifted his head and I could see that his eyes were rational again. I stepped out from behind Carlisle and stood beside him wanting to say something but words failed me. I could only observe as Edward straightened himself and walked calmly to us. The only thing that betrayed his calm was his hands; they shook in his anger.

"Edward." Carlisle greeted him quietly. Edward flinched at the sound of his name but did not seem angry.

"Carlisle," He returned, even softer. He shifted his gaze to me and searched my face for a moment. "…Bella."

I gulped and nodded slowly, but did not say anything.

Carlisle closed the distance between the two of them and Edward resisted the urge to take a step back. He merely stood still and straight, watching his father with guarded eyes.

"It is dangerous to be in La Push, Edward. Angering the wolves will only cause more trouble for yourself."

Edward shrugged lightly, still calming himself. His voice shook slightly as he spoke for the first time.

"You don't seem to mind being here."

Carlisle smiled tightly. "Yes, well, Bella and I have worked something out with Jacob."

Edward's eyes flickered to me then back to Carlisle. He did not answer. The anger was still radiating off of him hotly, my own skin flamed under his intense gaze. But he was in control of himself…for now.

Carlisle could also sense the remnants of Edward's fury still burning densely between them. He sighed.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Edward." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Edward scoffed. "It is the way it is. We've all made our choices here."

"Edward-" Carlisle began, taking a step closer. Edward stepped back and grasped the nearest tree. Carlisle stopped, knowing Edward's limits.

"What's happened is done, Carlisle. There is no point to trying to make amends about something that can never be forgiven. This is the way the two of you have chosen to live now. You have to accept the consequences that come with it."

"Consequences being…losing you and my family?" Carlisle asked softly, already knowing the answer.

Edward laughed lightly. It was a pitiful, hurting sound. "I don't think you can say it's 'your' family anymore."

Carlisle nodded gravely, accepting this. The vampires he had created, his children, his wife. The people he had spent centuries living with and loving. Choosing me had taken that away from him and choosing us over his family would destroy him, no matter how much he wanted this. I felt disgusting.

"Edward," I said softly, "Please…"

Edward's eyes were slightly pitiful. "Please what, Bella? This is the truth, the reality you've chosen. We're all suffering, living with your choices."

_My _choices. _My _fault.

Carlisle seemed to understand my expression because he took my hand reassuringly. Edward watched this movement warily but not entirely angrily. I wrapped my fingers around Carlisle's hand more tightly, knowing Edward could see.

We simply stared at each other for a long time as we stood in the calm and quiet surrounding of trees. Any commotion the wolves had created seemed a million miles away and as we stood in the presence of one another, Edward's demeanor seemed to crack every second.

Finally, he placed his face in his hands and sighed. When he lifted his face up again, it was pained.

"This will kill me." He whispered.

Carlisle's brow creased, but he did not ask.

"This will be the utter end of me…" He repeated, sighing again.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked tentatively.

Edward did not meet my gaze but lifted his head and stared determinedly at a spot in the trees behind me.

"What you've done…it's not only ripped our family, but it's ripped _me_. I feel like a part of me has been gauged out, and I'm left here to bleed…" I shuddered guiltily. "But some God-given way…I know that you are still my family. I know that deny it I may, but I still care about the both of you… that the pain will never cease if I will always have hatred for you in me. The hatred is unnatural, you're never supposed to hate the ones you love."

I reached a hand and gently touched Edward's arm. He did not shake it off, but continued to glare mercilessly into the distance. His lips were almost still when he talked.

"No matter what you've done, I cannot bring the pain of hating you onto myself, my family. You're betrayal hurts enough, I don't need the extra hurt."

Carlisle sighed sadly. "Does this mean…"

"No," Edward said abruptly, "I can't _forgive _you, none of us will ever be strong enough to do that, I think. But we _can _let you go, and let go of the anger. We all still love you…but if this is real, if this is your choice, we cannot change that. No amount of anger can change it. We are letting you go, letting the fury go."

I could not believe the words that came from Edward's mouth. The chase would finally be over. No more hiding, no fear. I would have Carlisle now as freely and as long as I possibly could. I owed this newfound freedom to Edward, to our old family. There may be no forgiveness, but no grudges either.

"The others…they agree?" Carlisle asked, squeezing my hand lightly.

Edward thought for a moment. "Yes. They agree that vengeance and hatred is something we can all afford to lose. Though they are grieving and hurting over the break of our family, there is no hate. You taught us at least that much, Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded slowly, all this sinking in. I knew that though we had ended the feud, Carlisle would be in pain at the loss of his family for quite some time. I hoped I was strong enough to help him to bring happiness back into his life.

"I'm afraid not." Edward said, breaking the silence. Carlisle looked up at him, clearly accepting the abrupt answer to his drifting thoughts. He sighed.

"I was merely hoping."

Edward nodded stiffly. "I myself can barely stand to be here. It would not be…_beneficial_ for you to visit the others. They may want to relinquish the hatred, but none are prepared to talk through a resolution, Carlisle. You've always been too optimistic."

"Making peace with the others?" I asked aloud. Edward nodded slightly.

"Not right now…not ever, I assume. We still love you…but there is only so much we can handle. Live your lives, live with your choices…but don't come back to the Cullens. You are not a part of us anymore."

I knew this hurt Carlisle more than anything but he nodded to Edward bravely. We knew what we'd be giving up, though it became harder each time we had to be reminded of our losses.

But through everything, we both knew the other was well aware and prepared to give it all up if it meant being together. If the loss and the hurt amounted to having the other forever…then it really didn't seem so bad. Maybe, if we just had each other, we could fight it through…we could come out on the other side, stronger and happier because we had each other. I was ready for that. I knew that Carlisle was too.

Edward straightened himself up. "This is it then. We're done here."

He said it with such finality that I instantly began memorizing every line of his face, never wanting to forget any inch of him, any point of my past. This was my Edward…the vampire I had foolishly fallen for and then broken into a thousand small pieces. He _was _my Edward…now he was just broken. Broken Edward. I never wanted him to fade in my memories now matter how much he wanted to.

"Will we never see you again then?" I asked quietly. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"I hope not," He said chuckling through a grimace. "I'm leaving Forks. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know I can't stay here anymore… it will hurt me too much."

We both nodded, understanding but not happy.

"Will you be okay?" Carlisle asked worriedly.

Edward shrugged as he slowly walked further from us, clearly deciding which direction to run into the trees. "Maybe. Maybe not. Don't worry about it."

"I will," Carlisle insisted softly, "You know I will."

Edward turned his head. "Don't." He repeated.

He began to walk into the trees, his hands grazing against each trunk as he slowly disappeared into the thicket, taking all his resolve with him.

"Goodbye, Edward." I said quietly, knowing he would hear.

I heard an audible, fractured sigh in the trees before the unmistakable rush of wind as Edward Cullen ran into oblivion.

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**Review? :)**


	18. Eternity

**A/N: I know I took my bloody time with this, but i really wanted to make a good ending for you guys. And...i kind of failed.  
I really wish I could say that I am happy with this and good with the way it ended but i know i could do so much more... and i owed that to you all. I'm sorry if you're disappointed with it, but i was seriously stuck for any ideas when i started writing it. I was going to add an epilogue like a 'Ten Yrs Later' thing.. but i gave up on that too. I even had about half of it done. **

**Either way, thank you all so much for sticking with me till the end and thank you to each and every single person who reviewed. You all make my life a little brighter. Love you all and thank you thank you thank you! :) You're all my inspirations.**

**PS. I will probably have a new story out soon, which I've decided will be Jasper/Bella. I'm not sure when I'll start it, but hopefully really soon! :)

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Chapter Eighteen

Eternity

There was a moment; one complete beat of time, in which there was utter silence as the two of us stood alone in the clearing. My eyes found a swaying leaf, moved by the wind of Edward's swift departure and in that still, quiet moment all I could accomplish was watching that leaf move like a pendulum until it finally became motionless.

When it stopped, our moment of peace broke.

A shattering, clear realization and burning sensation filled my entire body. It was not unpleasant, this new feeling, more like the abrupt departure of something heavy from my shoulders. This was it. With Edward's last words he had given us a gift of something beautiful; the freedom to love each other without having to run, without having to hide. It shocked me to realize it, but we were essentially free.

A smile wider than the biggest ocean tugged at the corners of my mouth. I tried to fight it for a moment, not letting myself revel too much in this freedom; it could diminish as quickly as it came, after all. But somehow I also knew this freedom to love Carlisle as wholly and deeply as I wished would not be disappearing now, not when I had it grasped so tightly in my hands. I could feel Carlisle behind me, statuesque and frozen.

My warm hand found his cold one with ease and I took my time weaving each of my fingers through his. There was time now to indulge in every touch, every word. There was shock, hurt, love, happiness, sadness and pain radiating off him in waves and I knew this was the outcome of a situation like ours; you win greatly, yet you lose much. He had me now, but for the price of his family…Edward. I could empathize, I had lost them as well. That future with the Cullens was erased for the both of us, we were writing our own destinies now with only the other to share it with.

It felt as though all of my life until now had been the course of one very long day. And now, with everything changing, the sun had finally set on the day and there was darkness for one night before the sun would rise again. It was rising now, bringing with it a new day, bringing with it Carlisle. The dawn was finally breaking.

I turned my face to look at Carlisle. It felt as though I had not truly seen him in so long. We had been constantly blinded by fear for too long and now that there was finally calm after the storm, my eyes were clear and he was so much more than I remembered him to be. The golden hair and beautiful gold eyes. His mouth was parted slightly, his eyes round as he still watched the place where Edward had stood a moment ago, as though he was going to reappear at any second. There was a harsh pain in his eyes from the loss. I did not like it.

I brought a hand up and softly laid it against his cheek, putting unsaid comfort into the touch. His eyes closed and his hand clasped around mine, holding it to his face. I sighed and brought him into an embrace, simply holding his ducked head against my shoulder as we stood in the quiet of the trees. I could almost read his every movement, his every breath. He was in pain.

"Bella…" He said softly, anguish clear in the very word.

"It's healthier this way," I whispered, "We're all better off."

He nodded against my skin. "I know. I just…I feel…"

"I know," I echoed, "I know."

Carlisle brought himself up and pushed a hand softly through my hair, leaving it resting on my shoulder.

"I love you very much, but my family has been my core existence since I met Edward. It's going to be so difficult without them."

I thought of Edward and Emmett, Esme…even Alice. I would miss them just as much as Carlisle would. He had spent centuries with them, I had spent months, but somehow, the time measured the same in pain. Grief was easily relatable.

"It will. But, we're free now. And I know that if I can survive the pain of losing them with only you by my side, I can survive absolutely anything with you. We can do it as long as we're together, Carlisle, I know we can."

Carlisle searched me, trying to find an ounce of dishonesty. I knew he would not find any.

"Forever?" He whispered.

"Forever." I affirmed.

"And that implies…vampire life?" He asked slowly.

"When the time comes…you will change me. Of that much I'm sure."

A glimmer of a small smile pulled at his lips. "How are you so sure I'll do it?"

"Because you can't live without me, and I you." I said simply.

There was clear, unquestionable adoration in his eyes and he placed a kiss on my forehead, pulling me into his chest. "Undeniably true."

A question I had pondered now formed readily on my tongue. "Edward is gone…but do you think the others will stay?" I asked.

Carlisle sighed. "Probably not. The main attraction for staying in Forks was, well, you. My job as well. Everything else was simply temporary. Now that what was tying them to Forks is…out of the picture, they'll see no reason in staying. I wouldn't be surprised if they were leaving right now."

"So soon…" I whispered.

Carlisle only nodded, not knowing what else to say.

"Maybe…we'll see them again. One day. When they aren't as angry. Maybe we _can_ have them in our lives again."

He chuckled but there was no humor in it. "Bella, vampires live forever. They remember everything with startling clarity. The anger won't ever fade…as much as I hope it may."

"I thought you were the optimist here."

Carlisle smiled ruefully. "There are things you can't evade, Bella, one of those things being the truth. I have to be honest with myself, otherwise losing them will just hurt more."

I silently agreed with him. I pressed myself closer into his embrace.

"Well, where do we go from here?"

"Anywhere we want. There's nothing to stop us now." I could hear the smile in his voice and I beamed. "Nothing could keep you away from me at this point, you're finally mine."

I blushed, but a sense of long-awaited fulfillment filled me deeply. "It feels good to hear that."

"It feels good to say it."

I raised my head to look at him. "And now that we have this infinite time on our hands, there's something I've been wanting to do."

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "What would that be?"

Silently, I placed my hands softly on either sides of his face, brought his head down and placed a lingering kiss on his lips. My cheeks heated slowly as I held him there, just lightly keeping contact and I felt him smile against my lips before gradually pulling away.

"You turn a lovely shade of red, Bella." He chuckled, tracing a finger down the side of my hot cheek. I blushed even harder.

My voice was lost as thundering footsteps approached the clearing and the wolf that was Jacob threw himself in through the trees. There was no sign of pursuit behind him, so I realized the pack had not followed him. Jacob looked from our calm demeanor then to the empty clearing and he visibly relaxed. I pulled myself out of Carlisle's arms and took Jacob's warm, furry head between my hands, placing a kiss at the top of his head.

"It's okay, Jake, we're fine." I breathed into his ear. The happiness in my voice seeped through each word.

He shook his great head slowly and retreated into the shelter of a large tree, before reappearing as human Jake. He walked to us calmly, but his shoulders were still tense.

"Where's Edward?" He asked slowly.

"Gone." Carlisle replied quietly, "He hasn't accepted any of this, but he's decided anger cannot change anything."

"He left Forks," I supplied, "Him and the others. They want us to be happy…they're going to let us be who we want to be."

Jacob whistled low as he exhaled heavily. He looked skeptical, still gazing shiftily into the trees.

"Are you sure he wasn't bluffing?"

I shook my head firmly. "Definitely not, Jake. Edward wasn't lying, I could see it in his eyes. It was really hurting him to do it…but he wants the best for us."

He eyed me long and hard before nodding. I smiled at his familiar, warm presence and took one step over to him enveloping him into my arms and holding him close against me.

"Thank you, Jacob." I whispered in his ear, "For everything. You're the best friend anyone could ever have." As cliché as it sounded, I truly meant it.

"Sure, sure." He chuckled jokingly, but nonetheless, he hugged me just as hard. I pulled back and beamed at him.

He smiled lopsidedly at me. "I managed to get the wolves off your back for now, but maybe you guys should get out of La Push or something. It's not so easy, hiding my thoughts from them."

Carlisle nodded. "I know how that feels, Jacob. We'll leave now if you'd like."

Jacob nodded a little awkwardly before digging in his pocket and pulling out a pair of silver keys. He took a hesitant step closer to Carlisle and held them out.

"Your keys, Doc. It drives like a dream, by the way."

Carlisle chuckled and placed his hand over the keys and Jacob's fingers but did not pull away. He shook Jake's hand slowly.

"Thank you Jacob. I'll forever be in your gratitude."

Jake shrugged. "It's a good thing you live forever then."

Carlisle smiled and pulled his hand out of Jacob's, stepping back so as to let us have our goodbye. Jake looked to me expectantly and I made my way back into his arms again. He breathed long and slow against my ear.

"Wherever you go now, Bells, just remember that I'm still here, okay? Give me a call or something if you decide to move out of state."

I laughed and squeezed Jake harder. "I won't forget you Jake. Never could. And wherever I go…you'll always be with me in here." I pointed to where my heart was. Jake smiled.

I kissed him on the cheek. "Love you, Jake."

He sighed. "Love you too, Bella. And…bye."

Goodbye. Maybe this would be the last time I'd see Jacob. After all, everything was so unpredictable at this point. Who knew where Carlisle and I would go now? And who knew if I would ever see my warm and loving best friend again? My chest ached at the thought so painfully I could not even formulate the word 'bye' in return. I smiled sadly.

"I guess I should go." Jacob said slowly, already backing into the trees. "They'll be wondering where I've gone."

I nodded, not wanting to let him go, not wanting to let his warmth cool off me.

"Good luck with whatever happens now." Jacob flashed a small smile at me before turning on the spot and running into the trees, before slapping his heavy wolf paws against the dirt. I listened for his panting breath until it died away.

In a matter of seconds, Carlisle had me in his arms again and I buried my face in his chest, wanting to cry and smile with joy at the same time. He simply held me as I gathered myself.

"Bella…" He sighed sadly.

My mind was racing. Though upset as I was with having to leave my old life behind, there was something in me yearning to begin this new life with Carlisle, where everything could be so much better. I was ready for it to start now that all these loose ends had been tied. I was ready to start over again.

"I'm so glad this happened, Carlisle." I whispered abruptly, lifting my head and seeing only his kind face through my wide eyes.

"What?" He asked lightly.

"This. Us." I said softly, "Yes, it's been hard, and yes, it's caused me enough hurt for my lifetime…but this war was worth the victory. If I get to stand here and hold you like this, it was definitely worth it."

Carlisle's eyes shone at my words and a smile graced his lips.

"I can't begin to explain how much I agree. You were made for me, Bella." He pulled me even closer.

"And though it you centuries to realize it, you were made for me as well. Just the thought of being able to while away forever with you…it makes me so happy, Carlisle. It makes me feel whole...loved." I smiled widely now, unable to hold back my joy.

"Forever doesn't seem long enough to share with you. It's just not enough time, nothing will ever be enough." He pledged quietly, holding me against him still.

I placed a hand on his cheek, holding his eyes with my own.

"I love you." I said fully and slowly, my words absorbing and embedding themselves in the trees and the silence and in the moment.

"I love you." Carlisle repeated. As though answering a question, his words were final and complete. We were complete.

There was nothing else for now. The love we had for each other was our only company in this very moment and it filled the small clearing, overpowering and rich. I also knew and accepted that this very love would be the only companion we would have for the rest of our never-ending lives. Carlisle kissed the top of my head and some odd comfort trickled down from his lips.

And as he held me there against him, I realized that I would be okay with this, with knowing that the only company we could ever have would be each other. I could accept this entirely so long as I had Carlisle and he had me for the rest our unending eternity.

Carlisle smiled down at me and the sun formed an ethereal glow around him, alighting every perfection. He placed a soft, slow kiss against my lips before gently taking my hand in his as he guided me out of the small clearing and into the beginning of our new life together.

* * *

**And for the last time....review? ;)**

**♥TheVoiceInMyHead  
**


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